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November 26, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. “This is one of those days,” to misquote Fred Durst. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

Uganda is on the verge of passing a law allowing for life imprisonment of "serial homosexuals." Forcing Tony the Tiger to reconsider his travel plans.

Ten children were reportedly killed while playing near the capital of Syria. Not unsympathetic, the United Nations deployed a mission to ask the children if they had any ideas on how to end the country's civil war.

Chris Brown deleted his Twitter account after getting into an argument with a female comedy writer. The last time he reacted this immaturely when challenged by a woman was always.

Judges in Egypt are calling for protests of President Mohamed Morsi's decree giving himself new powers. A risky move since he gave himself invisibility AND telekinesis.

In response to protestors, Morsi said the measures are only temporary. Much like the effects of the tear gas that was used on the protestors.

Black Friday online sales broke $1 billion. "That's cute," said the latest "Twilight" movie.

Heavy rain has caused more than 500 homes to be flooded in Britain. The situation is so bad people are paying attention as if it were a borough of New York City.

The Washington Post reports that the New England Journal of Medicine published several articles funded by drug companies. The research publication says they are looking into the charges wicked hahd.

The Orange County Sheriff’s Office says it overlooked a Google search on Casey Anthony's computer for suffocation methods on the day her daughter was last seen alive. Which explains why someone on her computer just looked up double jeopardy. Meanwhile, someone at the sheriff's office has been spending a lot of time Googling "resume tips."

A 53-year-old woman was arrested for riding a manatee in Florida. Why can't you just let Chris Christie enjoy his vacation?

Confidential police files were reportedly used as confetti for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Even more embarrassing, the discovery was made by a monkey.