Greetings, fellow Jokesters and all-around Hilarious Peeps!
Welcome to the 2nd Inaugural installation of Wednesday Nite Re-Write, where you, our esteemed colleagues, get to go toe-to-toe with the Jay Leno* writing staff. We will take one or two jokes from The Tonight Show monologues* that aired within the past week that we think kind of.....sucked...., and ask you to rewrite the punchline with more punch, pizzazz, or flair.
The punchlines we ask you to rewrite are in bold type.
The only restriction is that it MUST be FCC friendly to qualify. Enter as often as you like.
Jitterbug will be the judge and will have the winner(s) posted prior to Paul the Zombie's Weekend Monologue contest.
He will be judging blindly so as not to be influenced by the name of the entrant.
All entries must be received by 3 a.m. EDT Friday morning.
No refunds or exchanges. All sales are final.
*As you are aware, Summer is here, which means it's time for summer re-runs. In the event of Tonight Show re-runs, we will surf the tube to find jokes from Letterman, Kimmel, Fallon, or Ferguson in order to keep the jokes up-to-date with current events.
And so, here are this week's "Leno OH, NO's" ---
1) In fact, after the game, they asked Ron Artest^ if he was going to Disney World.
He said, "No, I'd rather go to Compton+!"
That's what he said.
And here's the amazing part:
That's the exact same thing Phil Mickelson** said after winning The Master's last year. Exactly.
^ Ron Artest of the winning LA Lakers
+Compton - The most gang-infested city in LA County
**Phil Mickelson - The whitest guy in Pro Golf
2) Let's see what's going on with BP CEO Tony Hayward, otherwise known as 'The Lying King!' You see, Hayward told Congress yesterday that he was 'deeply sorry, deeply sorry' about the Gulf oil spill. He would've apologized sooner, but
he was putting 100% of his energy into trying to turn off that underwater video camera.
You can find #1 at this link, at the 1:38 minute mark:
You can find #2 at this link, at the 2:06 minute mark: