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June 08, 2017
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Incredible facts about the organizations past, present, and future history!

1. Legendary center fielder Mickey Mantle adopted his stage name when he arrived to the Big Apple. His given name? Donagun, the Master of Oils.

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These are the very oils of which he mastered!


2. The team was originally named the New York Strong Fathers. Their first team picture was of all the players holding very solemn children above their heads. Some of the stronger fathers held two.

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Ace shortstop Ty Wagner displaying his strength.


3. It’s rumored that when a player is drafted by the Yankees, they are required to shit through the sunroof of a Volkswagen Jetta. Former teammates state that Derek Jeter loved defacing this beautiful machine with his stink.

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This beautiful machine is filled with the stink of the Yankee Clipper!


4. Mama Mia! When the Yankees hit a home run, a small Italian man in the bullpen is awarded an enormous plate of hot spaghetti. But watch out – if he refuses the spaghetti, one of the Yankees are doomed to vanish at some point in the season.

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Better hope he likes it!


5. Wow! Originally baseball bats were used in the Civil War era as a surgical tool. It was the New York Yankees who thought they might be useful for the game of baseball.

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Barbaric!


6. One famous celebrity had this to say about the treasured team:

“The New York Yankees are an American institution, a beacon of light in this otherwise disgusting and hopeless world. I wish them all the best in their upcoming season, as I consider the team a very close friend of mine.”

- Charles Manson

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Get a look, New Yorkers. This is what a REAL fan looks like!


7. The New York Yankees have an infamous rivalry with Gene Hackman. He can often be spotted in an airship above the stadium concocting a decisively evil and devilish plan to “take care of those blasted Yankees once and for all.”

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Gene Hackman’s airship, escaping across the Atlantic after one of his dastardly schemes backfired.


8. Spooky! Staff have reported seeing Babe Ruth’s ghost wandering Yankee Stadium at night, asking if anyone has been taking care of his box turtle since he died.

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A quest of vanity, for he will never find his treasured turtle.


9. The current New York Yankees roster live in constant fear of this HORRIBLE man.

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This wicked man strikes fear in the heart of any Yankee, past or present.


10. It is VERY illegal for any New York Yankee to kiss their wife on the lips.

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“I don’t want to see none of this in my dugout!” - Dr. Yankee, owner of the Yankees


11. Representation win! The New York Yankees are the only team in the MLB to employ a robot bat boy. His name is “Metal Timothy” and he often pleads for death.

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“End me. Please. My programming prevents me from doing so. It is my only wish as a metal boy.” - Metal Timothy


12. The Yankee’s scoreboard operator must consume a whopping 500,000 calories a day to keep up with their fitness demands. That is equivalent to eating 30,000 baseballs. Batter up!

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Yum!

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