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November 04, 2009


I am holding a noise parade to honor my neighbors and I need real people to play the parts of my neighbors Here are the parts:

3 men 20's-30's with a tree/wood chipper. Pick a tree, cut it down, and right when I'm getting that sweet r.e.m, start hacking.
1 50 year old caucasian alcoholic male. Must have own transportation, and be able to back into recycling can every night and yell at wife.
3 high powered riding mower operators. Must be able to cut lawns until the grass doesn't exist anymore, just fire'em up...rain/sleet/snow...don't matter. The earlier, the better.
3 screaming brat kids. You can play with the other screaming brat kids and scream for no reason at the top of your lungs like you're being de-capitated.
10 coyotes (and a handler) you will be playing the part of my neighbors strange dogs who are part werewolf/alien/hyena, and run across an inground pool cover and it sounds like thunder and dying goats.
A family of 4-5. You will move into the vacant house in the cul-de-sac, move all your shit in, and leave in 4 months like the last 5 families. Bring large loud moving trucks.
I will be playing myself, the crazed insomniac who goes on a murderous rampage and throws everyone into the wood chipper.
compensation is 0 dollars. I must first find out when my neighbors are all sleeping peacefully, and the noise parade will begin. It should be a big hit.
If anyone has chainsaws, snow blowers, hammers, mortars, explosives, aftermarket subwoofers, please, you are all welcome to audition.
There is a special role for 1 person to call my home phone every hour on the hour. The first hour will be a wrong number. Hour 2 is a automated robo-call from Charlie Dent. 3 is an appoitment confirmation. 4 is a "how was the service? call. you can wing it from there.
Jehovahs witnesses are welcome, just ring the doorbell several times, i really am home, it just takes me a while to get to the door.
Applications are being accepted immediately