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July 04, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. This is one of those days. He may or may not be incarcerated. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

Hello! All of today’s jokes are based on the current and local happenings of Valley Center and Park City, Kansas. Success!

A wedding ring was turned in to the police department two months after being found at the West Elementary School playground. That might seem like a long time, but keep in mind the Good Samaritan was Gollum.

Troubles the Clown was honored for his 25 years of service to the community. Said Troubles, “Terrifying children for over half my life has been thanks enough.”

The Park City Council approved the Echo Hills commercial project. There were 12 “yes” votes but it sounded more like 48.

A fight broke out at the 81 Speedway racetrack. Authorities say they couldn’t figure out another way to decide who the better driver was.

Police were called after a woman’s snake escaped its cage while it was in her car. Now if they can just find the baby she left in there with it.

The annual Park City Fishing Derby drew a record-breaking 276 participants this year. While also setting the record for most annoying-wife-related bumper stickers.

Emily Nicole Miller and Jordan Koby Gonzalez are engaged. Emily said she was beginning to think she’d never meet a mashup of her two favorite basketball players.

A new state law allows wine, beer and spirits tastings in retail stores. Finally making it legal to blow a ghost in Lenscrafters.