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January 08, 2017
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They say "we have to let you go" nowadays instead of "you're fired!"

A boss calls an employee into his office to tell him he is fired,terminated. Those words are not politically correct today, so more wimpy ones are used, with the resulting confusion as seen below.

(Boss to employee): Thank you for coming.

(Employee): No problem.

I’m sorry I have to tell you this.

Don’t be.

We have to let you go.

No, you don’t.

What?

Have to let me.

What?

Go.

We have to let you go.

No, you don’t.

What?

You don’t have to.

What?

Let me go.

Yes, I do.

No, you don’t.

How do you know?

You said you have to let me go.

Right.

But you don’t.

Why don’t you explain it to me.

Sure. If you say, you have to let me go, that means, you are literally forced to let me go, but I choose not to go. So, you don’t have to let me go if I choose not to. I never asked to go.

(Boss has a pained expression on his face.) Look! Can I be frank?

Sure.

Based on your job performance. I…

(Employee interrupts): That’s not what we’re taking about.

It isn’t?

No.

Then, what are we talking about?

We’re talking about if you can be Frank. I said you could.

Could what?

Be Frank.

Good. Because I want to be frank.

Good. That’s fine. I said you could.

What?

Be Frank.

Okay.

If you want to be Frank, that’s okay with me.

Okay. Now where were we?

You want to be Frank.

Right.

I think you should be Frank.

I’m trying to be.

If you want to be Frank, you have to do more than just try. After all. Boys try. Men do.

(Boss is angry.) We’re not talking about being frank here.

We’re not? You just told me you want to be Frank.

Forget what I just told you.

About having to let me go?

No! About being frank.

Does that mean you no longer want to be Frank?

(Boss is shouting.) No, dammit! I want to be frank, damn you!

I said you could. Why are you yelling? If you want to be Frank, it’s no problem with me.

Good!

So go ahead. Be Frank.

Okay. I will be. I want you to clear your stuff out of your desk and get the hell out of here.

Okay. Okay. You want to be Frank, and I said okay, and you said you have to let me go, and I told you you don’t have to. And now you’re threatening me. Can I be curt?

Curt?

If you can be Frank, I can be curt.

Why Curt?

Because if you can be Frank with me, I can be curt with you.

I just want you to…

(Employee interrupts.) I can be curt with you. Your problem is, you don’t know what you want. You’re a sick man. First, you tell me you can do nothing to prevent my leaving, have to let me go, when I told you I’m loyal to the company. Then, you get into this split-identity thing where you want to be someone named Frank, and I said it’s okay. And you’re still mad at me.

You’re fired!

No, I’m Curt.

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