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November 19, 2009
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I used to believe that farts were the souls of deceased shits trying to escape into the afterlife.

I was wrong.

I’d like to point out a new phenomenon I experienced this morning that I’d like call the “ghost shit” or “phantom shit.”

A ghost shit is when you sit on a toilet, and relieve your bowels -- you know, when you feel the sensation of  a turd being pushed through your asshole -- followed by the noise of something splashing in the toilet water -- however, when you look inside the toilet, you see nothing.

That’s what happened to me this morning. And not only did I push out a turd -- but the turd was so gigantic that it created an enormous splash that actual came up and hit my balls. Seriously. They’re still wet as I type this very sentence.

And when I looked down in the toilet, I saw nothing. The only evidence that I had just shat were my dripping balls and a fowl smell in the air. Other then that, there was no reason for anyone to believe I had just gone number two.

Some say that ghost shits are similar to phantom limbs  --  the sensation of pain that amputees feel in their arms after already having lost said arm.  

However, it should be noted that ghost shits are nothing like “ the stranger” which is an entirely different phenomenon which involves an individual sitting on their hand to make it numb for the purposes of making it feel like someone else is giving them a hand job while masturbating.

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