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June 25, 2009


Monday (Raw), Tuesday (ECW), Friday (Smackdown), and certain Sunday nights (ppv) are off limits for him; he will be parked in front of his tv wearing his replica WWE Championship Spinner Title Belt with his phone turned off so he doesn’t miss a thing.  He wears his NWO and Austin 3:16 shirt with pride.  He considers The Marine oscarworthy and has the complete box set of Thunder in Paradise on dvd.  He collects wrestling action figures (and whatever you do don’t call them dolls).  He has named his pet snakes Damien and Lucifer in homage to Jake “The Snake” Roberts.  He still hasn’t been kissed by a girl yet because he is “saving himself” for Stacy Keibler.  He has a lifetime subscription to Pro Wrestling Illustrated under the name Hulkamaniac and has it mailed to his parents house where he lives in the basement (note he doesn’t live with his parents; he pays rent and has a separate door to his “apartment”).

Even if you tell him that wrestling is fake, he won’t believe you.  He will deny it saying that it is real pointing to the significant injuries suffered by certain wrestlers.  He will ask you how diving off a twenty foot high steel cage onto another wrestler is fake.  He will ask how they can fake a steel chair shot to the head or being thrown out of the ring through a table.  But once he finds out it is actually scripted, he makes a face like you kicked his dog and told him there was no Santa, Easter Bunny, or Tooth Fairy all at once.