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Stats & Data

July 06, 2008



We’ve all heard the buzz. 50’s are the new 40’s. 40’s are the new 30’s. Cougars are the new wasted floozies …But if you really are keen you have seen … FAT is the NEW THIN!

That’s right. Tides have rolled in for the rolley and the polley. Our basic human mating preference social structure has made a definite turn.

Let’s review. To understand this paradigm we need to break down the sexes into their respective categories as classified by their opposites.

You see, we have three types of men: You have your Average Joes, your Chubby Chasers, and your 3-V men. Average Joes are just that, they follow the norm. Chubby Chasers, well, they have been ahead of the curve. And the much celebrated 3-V’s (that stands for vjay-jay is vjay-jay is vjay-jay ) are more evolved and respect all shapes and sizes of women. Or, they just want to screw anything void of male appendages. Jury is still out on that one.

Now, we will discover the less complex classification by men of women. The types of women are: Skinny-Bitches. And Fat-Asses. Simple. Should there be a need for digression, as in the case of a woman who has recently birthed a child or may have status confusing curves...there is a scientific identifier. What you do is, you note what said medium sized woman is doing at 7pm most nights of the week. If she is in the express line at the grocery purchasing a single container of yogurt wearing yoga pants on a stop during her commute between the gym and her home, said woman is a Skinny-Bitch.  If said woman is sitting in front of her computer or television in her underwear eating Cheetos and Nutter Butters, well…She now reigns supreme.

How has this appreciation of the pudgy and cute come to light? It started, you may remember, with Monica Lewinsky. And that single public discovery has perpetuated over time to influence the overwhelming majority of men previously referred to as Average Joes. You see, Average Joes are the deciding factor. And they are making some bold realizations about women and sexuality. I mean, which is sexier? A woman who looks at a chicken wing and queaks from her scrawny little neck, “Eww-yucky-I-don’t-want-it-I-don’t-want-it-I-don’t-want-it.” Or, one of the many available women who take one whiff and moan hungrily, “Feeeeed meeeee”.