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April 20, 2016

These are all pictures of people Lance Armstrong would find attractive.

From his ex-wife Kristin Richardsto his ex-fiance Sheryl Crow (isn’t it wild that Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow were frigging engaged?) to his ex-girlfriend Tory Burch (speaking of which: rememberThora Birch? What’s she up to?) to his current GF Anna Hansen (yea I dunno either) we can definitively say there’s nothing Lance Armstrong likes more than a sinewy blonde. So here are some pics of some gals he probably would find attractive. It’s finally time to celebrate the very selective sexual preferences of one of America’s greatest disgraced athletes!

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Rhonda Rousey–the ultimate strong blonde.

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Now I’ve never taken the time to figure out how much Catherine Heigl can lift, but I do know she’s blonde and definitely in shape (Hollywood is a tough place) and if I had to guess Lance Armstrong would prob hit on her if they were in the same room together.


Shakira. I mean, come on–she’s perfect, right? She kinda looks like Sheryl Crow actually. Isn’t that nuts? Hadn’t really thought about that before.

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Uma Thurman in “Kill Bill”…right???

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Circe from “Game of Thrones.” She’s not gonna take any shit from anyone, plus she is blonde and strong.

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This volleyball player. Strong? Check. Blonde? Check. We got ourselves a Lance Armstrong potential crush, ladies and gents.

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A tennis player. She’s ready to get her game on, plus her hair is the right color and her body is the right size for one of the most publicly disgraced athletes in sports history to find her attractive. She definitely makes the cut.

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Um, yea. Straw hair and defined muscles will get L-Dawgs blood a-pumping (without the help of any performance enhancing drugs, thank you very much).

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Probably, right???

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She’s into sports and her hair is the right color. That’s one “Yes, please” from one Lance A.

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Nothing says “strong, blonde, and muscles” like “Gilmore Girls” cast member and also professional musician Sebastian Bach. He makes the cut.

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Kind of the ultimate strong blonde, if you really think about it. HRC is gonna make Lance sweat more than a U.S. Department of Justice hearing. Toot toot goes the lil bicycle horn.

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Sure she’s not blonde, but if we’re taking acting chops there’s no one stronger than Julianne Moore. Man or woman, you can’t resist being captivated by her incredible talent. Lance would definitely hit it we bet.