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December 03, 2015
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This week saw the launch of a brand new dating site called Mouse Mingle. Dave Frippert, a huge Mickey Mouse fan, has some issues with the site.

This week saw the launch of a new dating site called Mouse Mingle. It joined the ranks of super-specific dating sites like Farmers Only and My 420 Mate by becoming the first site exclusively for Disney lovers. And yet Dave Frippert, a huge Mickey Mouse fan, has some issues with the site. Check out his open letter to MouseMingle.com.


Dear MouseMingle.com,

When I first heard about your site, I was tentatively excited. Finally, was there a dating website that would cater to MY needs? When I heard your mission statement, I was ecstatic. “Traditional internet dating sites don’t understand the passion people have for all things Disney.” TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN.

I struggled for years on traditional dating sites. I spent hours searching profiles for women whose favorite movie was Fantasia. And then, if I actually found one, I’d write them a nice personal message, ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE AN ANNUAL PASS TO ONE OF THE PARKS. What a colossal waste of time.

So you can imagine how delighted I was when I heard about your site. I love so many of the features. Like how users can list which park they live closest to? That’s the third most important criteria I have for finding a compatible girlfriend. If she’s way closer to the ‘Land and I’m way closer to the ‘World, well, that’s just not going to work out in the long run. Trust me, I’ve learned that the hard way.

And yet, I find your new dating site to be extremely lacking, MouseMingle.com. Yes, of course I love Disney, but at heart, I am first and foremost a Mickey Mouse fan. Mickey Mouse is the single greatest character ever created. Loyal, funny, and smart, Mickey Mouse is everything I aspire to be. And the name of your website made me think that someone had finally created a dating site JUST FOR ME AND OTHER PEOPLE WHO LOVE MICKEY MOUSE.

But no. Of course not. No one ever caters to the Mickey Mouse lovers. I signed up for a month on your site, and found that I had to wade through hundreds of Goofy Head profiles. I simply could never date a Goofy fan. They’re so pretentious, picking one of the more “off-beat” “quirky” characters as their favorites. How could you create a dating site that tries to incorporate both groups?

I highly suggest you rename your site. Mouse Mingle is incredibly misleading. I gave you my $12.55 assuming that I was finally at a website for Mousers only!

I went on a date off your website. The girl was nice looking and all, and she said she even had a job at the park! Everything was going great through the appetizers. The conversation was focusing mostly on the seminal 2004 film Mickey’s Twice Upon A Christmas. But then when our mains came she revealed that she plays Donald Duck at the character brunch. I mean, what? Every inch of my bedroom is decorated in Mickey Mouse decor, can you imagine me taking a DONALD DUCK back to my place? Absolutely not, MouseMingle.com. I wasted a perfectly good night with some floozy who thinks Donald Duck is worth portraying when I could have been at home working on my oral history of Steamboat Willie!

It was irresponsible of you to trick consumers in this way. I don’t want my money back. I just want you to make a website for Mickey Mouse fans ONLY. Because here’s the thing: Not only do I want to date someone who is a fan of Mickey Mouse, but I don’t think I could marry someone unless Mickey’s Christmas Carol is her favorite movie. So when you create this second, better site, here are a few suggestions for fields that should be on every profile:

  • What is your favorite Mickey movie?
  • Name five things about Mickey you couldn’t live without.
  • Can you draw Mickey Mouse?
  • What did Walt Disney initially name Mickey Mouse? (to root out fakers and wannabes)
  • How many Mickey Mouse dolls do you own?
  • Is it a crime that there is no longer a Mickey Mouse balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade?
  • How good are you at making Mickey Mouse–shaped pancakes?

These are the things that people really want to know about someone when choosing a partner. So please, MouseMingle.com, live up to your name.

Sincerely,

Dave Frippert

World’s #2 Biggest Mickey Mouse Fan (used to say #1 but my ex-wife, Sherri Frippert, put it in the divorce settlement that she got that title)

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