It’s time for the “MemoryTag Greeting Card Viral Video Animation Awards” recognizing outstanding achievement; those cartoons that were unique in that they exhibited bizarre concepts, brought nonsense to a whole new level of strangeness,or were just so whacked out we couldn’t believe what we were seeing with our own eyes.
Firstly, the award for the “Greatest Performance in Animation by a Giant Pickle” goes to……Big Dill. This pickle goes on a rampage and destroys the town of Stockton, but it is his groans of pain (or is it pleasure?) that are truly exciting, eliciting either disgust or sexual arousal (it’s a green phallic symbol after all) from the viewer, and that makes Big Dill, a method-acting pickle, a real star https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfiiDk4hggo.
I’ve never cared much for Stockton anyway so watching it be destroyed by a pickle is okay with me.
The award for “Best Sleazy Talking Sexual Devil” goes to the little red-faced guy with the two pointed horns who murmurs sexually suggestive banter dead-pan into the camera in a full frontal face shot without expression (or a lower torso) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qn1s6dyc14M while beseeching, “Do you wanna get naked?” This card and its message is a no hearts-and-flowers sweetness to the recipient, but a flat-out proposal of lust and should appeal to the kind of person who says “No, no no,” when they really mean“Yes, yes, yes!”
This devil is no-doubt named “Horny.”
Next up, the award for “Greatest Action Acting by a Sperm Award” goes to the trio of male organs who swim up a vaginal river in search of a female egg to fertilize…. in its simplicity and directness a stunning explanation of reproduction with the accompanying written message, “I guess the pull-out method didn’t work congratulations on your great swimmers” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4BvpVWWm18.
This includes a musical score that also deserves the “Best Urgent Sounding Music” Award in that builds to a (pardon the pun) climax, and leaves you guessing which of the three penis-based polliwogs will find solace in the womb.
The award for the “Best Disco Dance Performance by a Sheep”goes collectively to the unnamed woolies in the “Holy Sheep it’s Your Birthday”card, and though this is only 24 seconds in length qualifying it as a “Short Subject,” it’s overall message that your birthday is important enough to have four sheep who appear to have a motor-nerve dysfunction dancing under a light-mirror-ball must really be important indeed https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXN9YbEY4lg.
The next award goes to the Redhead who has appeared numerous times for MemoryTag Greeting Cards and though she is real….not a cartoon…..she might as well be with her shocking flaming red follicles and her angry demeanor who accuses her boyfriend of infidelity (visiting a stripper club), and chastises him appropriately. I mean who is this woman? I think her name is Bey. She is the equivalent of Lucille Ball, or maybe to be more modern a red-headed Youtube Marissa Tomei. This is the kind of woman who will hurt you and desert you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlLn947k8ag. Bae wins the “Best Imitation by a Human of an Animated Figure Award,” in recognition of her color-perfect coordinates, viral intensity and exciting and touching punish-me-please appeal.
And finally, the “Best Subliminal Exercise Your Olfactory Senses After-Sex Praise Award” goes to the bed-sniffing dweeb who we can see got lucky the night before as there is still a bra remaining un-worn on his bed and he sniffs his sheets in rapturous recognition and praise of his formerly licentious partner (who is unseen) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CAyon8N96c. I don’t have the heart to tell him what he has to look forward to….marriage, children, bills, stress, bitter divorce and alimony payments.
Oh well that’s for another time and another awards show.
MemoryTag revolutionized the greeting card industry by allowing you to use your smartphone to record a video message and place it on a card—–individualizing each card into a one-of-a-kind memorable moment. For info (and cards) go to https://memorytag.cards/.