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May 02, 2012

Some non-facts about Prez #18.


At the age of 7, young Ulysses became the first (and thus far only) human to win the Westminster dog show.

Grant would become angry and sometimes violent when called “Odysseus,” a nickname he acquired at West Point.

Ulysses Grant was very proud of his earlobes, which he thought were regal and handsome. He often rubbed oil on them to make them shiny before attending official Presidential functions.

As a young army officer, the future President had an affair with Mary Custis Lee, who was in fact a man passing as a woman. Mary was also the wife of Confederate general Robert E. Lee, who was in fact a woman passing as a man. Ulysses fathered three children with Mary.

During a brief respite from his army service, Grant journeyed to Japan and studied with a clandestine band of ninjas who taught him their secrets of invisibility. These skills are said to have helped Grant’s victory at Vicksburg.

Grant’s ancestors invented the shoe. Then again, so did yours.

During long campaigns, Grant developed a remarkable ability to deal with unruly animals. He is said to have been especially adept at calming down uncooperative donkeys, prompting his fellow soldiers to refer to him as “the ass whisperer.”

The 18th President was allergic to any hair other than his own. His wife and children, along with all servants in their household, shaved their heads regularly and wore wigs made from Grant’s hair.

Cutting grass on the White House lawn.Ulysses S. Grant is not, in fact, buried in Grant’s tomb. Due to a clerical error, he is actually buried in a sack beneath the Lincoln memorial. An unknown rodeo clown is buried in Grant’s actual tomb.

Grant left a cryptic provision in his will that established a trust for the purpose of hiring four professional wrestlers to break both of comedian Rip Taylor’s legs in 1979. His reasons are unknown.