or





SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW UNICORNS? 
 

1. A unicorn, without a horn, is simply a magical horse. 

2. Unicorns are known to bite. Hard. 

3 .Nicolas Cage owns six unicorns and his twenty-four films a year on average are to supplement the costs of magical oats. Six!

4. Unicorns are very rare (when cooked).

5. Unicorns are born with both male and female genitalia. 

6. A unicorn will mate for life. But just as friends. (See above)

7. Unicorns sparkle when they are poised to kill, don't misread that.

8. To film the unicorn-related scene in "Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone", they spent six years tracking down the perfect unicorn.

9. And six seconds killing it. 

10. A unicorn without testicles is called a "eunuchorn". 

11. In 2009, "Darnell" surpassed "Sugarlumps" as the most popular name for unicorns. 

12. During courtship, the female unicorn is always, always, the one who sues for half his stuff. 

13. When migrating south for the winter, most unicorns go to Kenya. 

14. The name "unicorn" is actually too ironic. If you feed a unicorn actual corn, it will die a terribly painful death. 

15. Much like horses are processed to make glue, unicorns are processed to make super glue. If you think about it, it makes so much sense. 

16. In their spare time, unicorns really like to curse, play online poker, and smoke cigars. While speeding on a motorcycle. 

17. Muffinhumps, the world's oldest unicorn, was actually a bit of an asshole. 

18. Number 12 contradicts number 5, but nobody will notice as most unicorns can't count having grown up ina world without "Sesame Street" or "The Electric Company".

19. Most unicorns don't have dreadlocks. 

20. The blood of a unicorn cures Hepatitus C, but totally makes your nipples fall off. 

 

I APOLOGIZE. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST READ. YOU CAN THANK A HAZE OF CHILDREN'S COUGH SYRUP FOR THIS ONE. THAT ISN'T TO DENY UNICORNS EXIST THOUGH. YOU CAN FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER OR ON FACEBOOK AND TOGETHER WE CAN SPREAD THEIR WORD OR MAKE ANY DREAMS COME TRUE.

Advertisement
Advertisement

From Around the Web