SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW UNICORNS?
1. A unicorn, without a horn, is simply a magical horse.
2. Unicorns are known to bite. Hard.
3 .Nicolas Cage owns six unicorns and his twenty-four films a year on average are to supplement the costs of magical oats. Six!
4. Unicorns are very rare (when cooked).
5. Unicorns are born with both male and female genitalia.
6. A unicorn will mate for life. But just as friends. (See above)
7. Unicorns sparkle when they are poised to kill, don't misread that.
8. To film the unicorn-related scene in "Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone", they spent six years tracking down the perfect unicorn.
9. And six seconds killing it.
10. A unicorn without testicles is called a "eunuchorn".
11. In 2009, "Darnell" surpassed "Sugarlumps" as the most popular name for unicorns.
12. During courtship, the female unicorn is always, always, the one who sues for half his stuff.
13. When migrating south for the winter, most unicorns go to Kenya.
14. The name "unicorn" is actually too ironic. If you feed a unicorn actual corn, it will die a terribly painful death.
15. Much like horses are processed to make glue, unicorns are processed to make super glue. If you think about it, it makes so much sense.
16. In their spare time, unicorns really like to curse, play online poker, and smoke cigars. While speeding on a motorcycle.
17. Muffinhumps, the world's oldest unicorn, was actually a bit of an asshole.
18. Number 12 contradicts number 5, but nobody will notice as most unicorns can't count having grown up ina world without "Sesame Street" or "The Electric Company".
19. Most unicorns don't have dreadlocks.
20. The blood of a unicorn cures Hepatitus C, but totally makes your nipples fall off.
I APOLOGIZE. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST READ. YOU CAN THANK A HAZE OF CHILDREN'S COUGH SYRUP FOR THIS ONE. THAT ISN'T TO DENY UNICORNS EXIST THOUGH. YOU CAN FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER OR ON FACEBOOK AND TOGETHER WE CAN SPREAD THEIR WORD OR MAKE ANY DREAMS COME TRUE.
- That is hilarious
- This was very good information. I now know so much more about Unicorns...
- Daniel Hernandez: yes all facts!!
- post traumatic stress
- This is fucking ridiculous. I mean, half of that shit's not even true.
- You misused the term "anachronism". I think you meant it was ironic.
- haha i noticed that 12 contradicts 5
- Am I the only one blown away by the fact that I've been using glue made from unicorns my entire life?
- I can personally account for #2. Fucking unicorns.
- the nipple thing is worth it
- these sucked
- Rachael Welman
- This is funny : )
- FUCKING PURE AMAZINGNESS RIGHT HERE!!
- Muffinhumps was simply misunderstood :(
- i have unicorn glue holding my incisions together.... thats awesome!
- unicorn blood makes your nipples fall off? wtf unicorns wtf
- FACT: unicorns poop out rainbows and shoot lasers from thier horns. i would know this since my unicorm sparkles does this himself
- We should get back to the non Disney bullshit and see unicorns for what they originally were. Just like mermaids, unicorns were originally evil creatures of malice, hate and revenge.
- i don't know about unicorns but winged horses are another story find me i'll tell you some time.