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Stats & Data

August 09, 2009

Dogs Vs. 2 Year Olds


Some of the findings of a canine IQ test conducted by the University of British Columbia.-

-The average dog can learn 165 words, signals, and gestures- comparable to a 2 year old.

I’ve never counted, but I think every dog I’ve ever had knows more than that. Sounds about right for a rug rat.

250? Christ I know more than that. For that matter I know more than my 40ish owner. And you thought he only ACTED like a 2 year old!



-Smarter breeds like the Border collie go up to 250. That’s 2 ½ in kids’ years.


-They can count up to 5.

I don’t believe this. They can’t say the numbers. Maybe you can train them to bang their paws like Mr. Ed used to bang his hoofs, but I challenge you to put down 4 pennies and tell me how a dog would express what’s there.


-They have basic emotions of happiness, anger, and disgust. They do not have guilt. (That look they give you when they shit the carpet is FEAR- they’re not sorry about it).

Disgust?? What? How can a dog act disgusted? Do they give you a disappointed look, shake their head at you, and make the ‘tisk, tisk’ sound like your mother would? And exactly what behaviors would make a dog disgusted? Watching the whole football game instead of taking them for a walk? They have a name for the species that frequently express that emotion already- women.

I would add loyalty and appreciation. You can be the most fucked up person-yeah, even disgusting- and they will act like your bestest buddy as long as you feed them and don’t send them to live with Michael Vick.

But this is the finding I got the biggest laugh from. And I quote-

"The social life of dogs is much more complex, much more like human teenagers at that stage, interested in who is moving up in the pack and who is sleeping with who and that sort of thing,"

Who is sleeping with who and that sort of thing? It sounds more like an episode of ‘Dogs of Our Lives’ on ABC at 3 instead of being an animal who checks out his friends and potential lovers by sniffing their butt. If true, I guess they should add jealousy to the emotions.

And exactly what does ‘that sort of thing mean’? Watching dog porno when you’re not home?



Knowing that practically everyone in this FOD community is a big dog fan like me, I would like to hear your best story that backs up these findings or refutes them.