L.A. KISSES TIGERS GOODBYE
by Doug Anthony Jones
LOS ANGELES, California -- It was sad news for Los Angeles residents last week as it said goodbye to Mid-City boutique "L.A. Tigers." Nestled safely on the street corner of Venice Blvd. and La Brea, "L.A. Tigers" quickly became the cities "one-stop" location for stuffed tigers and marble framed 3-D light-up artwork since it's opening in early 2008.
"This is a dark day for Los Angeles" exclaimed L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, who had purchased several stuffed tigers for his most recent slam piece, American broadcast journalist and former beauty queen Lu Parker. "The tiger symbolizes invincibility, might, and the power of the Angeleno." Villaraigosa explained. "Also, they have real pretty stripes."
"It defies all sensible logic why, even in today's economic downfall, a top quality street corner boutique like L.A. Tigers could go out of business." said Stan Feedback, mid-city resident and owner of 63 stuffed tigers. "L.A. Tigers is gone yet the demand for tigers of all sizes still remains, how could this happen?" We surveyed Stan from a short distance as he stood on the now vacant street corner for approximately 25 minutes, completely baffled out of his mind. Shortly after kneeling down and weeping, Stan removed his garage keys from his pocket and used them to take his own life.
"I heard the whole thing was a front for an illegal freezer jam factory" claims Missy Donovan of Culver City. "All you need's a small freezer and a stovetop for a successful freezer jam operation, and certainly all of that can fit in the "mystery room" that lies behind the table where the owner/operator sits." Missy posted her theory on the popular website Yelp.com in February 2008 and has not been seen or spoken to since.