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March 09, 2015

The new Apple Watch is just one of Apple's many forays into wearable timepieces.

Apple has finally released details on their long awaited Apple Watch — but did you know this isn’t Apple’s first foray into the watch business? Here is a timeline featuring all of Apple’s earlier, unsuccessful attempts at time-telling wearables.

  • 1977

    Steve Wozniak carries Steve Jobs around in a little backpack while Jobs repeatedly screams out the time.

  • 1984

    A vinyl wrist strap is attached to the 16.5-pound Macintosh 128K.

  • 1986

    America agrees that the "Steve Jobs with funny cartoon hands" watch is incredibly stylish, but not very funtional (Apple designers were so excited they forgot to make it tell time).

  • 1995

    The “Wouse” (watch mouse) brings the attention back to computing, but is ultimately a failure as users are not yet accustomed to being shackled to technology.

  • 2004

    A very high man straps an actual apple to his wrist, like a watch. It’s a fun day for the man but the Apple Corporation is more or less unaffected.

  • 2008

    Apple unveils the short-lived iPad Watch — a full-sized iPad worn on the user’s wrist showing a realistic arm wearing a watch. Apple faced harsh criticism for only selling a caucasian version and the product was eventually pulled.

  • 2015

    The modern-day Apple Watch forever changes the way we blow 349 dollars on shit we already have in our phones.

  • 2115

    Apple unveils the Apple Human Watch for Giant, Hyper-Intelligent Apple Watches: The Singularity has arrived and our A.I. overlords have just as much money to burn as we do.