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March 03, 2017
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I'm sure you'll be a big star one day Steve but I actually already have plans for this Saturday night. And the rest of my Saturdays for all of eternity.

10 Things I’d Rather Do Than Go To Your Improv Show, Steve.

1. Bang my head against brick wall.

2. Bang Steve Bannon in a bathroom stall.

3. Relive James Franco hosting the Oscars.

4. Give the Zika virus to my entire family.

5. Watch Gravity on a continuous loop until the end of time.

6. Wax my asshole raw.

7. Have Lena Dunham apologize at me for 45 minutes.

8. Donate my life savings to a college friend’s web series Kickstarter.

9. Allow Mel Gibson to go down on me for 3 hours.

10. Shit into my own mouth.

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Wowza, they’re sure having fun!

Anyways, I hope the show goes well! Never give up on your dreams, Steve.

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