10 Things I’d Rather Do Than Go To Your Improv Show, Steve.
1. Bang my head against brick wall.
2. Bang Steve Bannon in a bathroom stall.
3. Relive James Franco hosting the Oscars.
4. Give the Zika virus to my entire family.
5. Watch Gravity on a continuous loop until the end of time.
6. Wax my asshole raw.
7. Have Lena Dunham apologize at me for 45 minutes.
8. Donate my life savings to a college friend’s web series Kickstarter.
9. Allow Mel Gibson to go down on me for 3 hours.
10. Shit into my own mouth.
Anyways, I hope the show goes well! Never give up on your dreams, Steve.