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Published September 22, 2012
  • Never get in an elevator with more than three monkeys.
  • Look both ways before you pickpocket a monk.
  • Never eat sausage in a kibbutz.
  • Don’t smile when you mow your lawn.
  • Always tip your hat to a midget.
  • Never go bowling with a vegetarian.
  • If you can’t spell it – don’t eat it.
  • Never sell Girl Scout cookies to the Amish.
  • Never let your daughter date a chimney sweep.
  • Always count your chickens before they molt.
  • Never take a shower with your butcher.
  • Always keep an extra whistle in your sock.
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