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February 09, 2011

What really happens at a Justin Bieber concert is revealed in yet another Bieber documentary.

Within the past 30 days, mentions of Justin Bieber on television have spiked from the average of every ten minutes to every three minutes. The reason, Justin Bieber: Never Say Never, the documentary about the long life of “the Biebs” is coming out, finally. Unlike Michael Jackson’s recent concert documentary, this ladies man was able to dance along to the high-pitched sound of girls at the film’s premiere.


Justin Bieber: Never Say Never is rated G (don’t fall into Bieber’s trap that G stands for “Gangstaaa  :) !!!!!”). With that said, Bieber does have a more gangsta film also being released in select cities this Friday starting in New York and San Francisco. Unlike Never Say Never, this film is more for the parents.


Justin Bieber: Just Say No features hours of extra footage not shown in the original documentary, but this film is rated R. Getting the R rating was a battle in itself as the MPAA initially tagged a NC-17 rating on the film. Reportedly, Justin Bieber contacted the MPAA to thank them for not letting obsessive little girls see another thing with him in it. Distracted by his Angelic voice rather than his strong message, the MPAA decided to bump their rating down to the R rating.


“These girls are super crazy,” Bieber states in the second documentary between sips of Orange Crush, “I got 10 year-old girls saying they want to blow me. I’m pretty sure most of them don’t even know what that means, for real. But my manager, Scooter, told me to take their numbers and assure them that I will call them in eight years. So now I’ve got my Charles Barkley Trapper Keeper filled with the numbers of ten year-old girls. Lately, I’ve had some of these girls tell me they’re 20 years-old, but I can tell they’re really 8.”


However, it’s not just the kids that have “Bieber fever” he reveals in Just Say No, the moms do as well. “I get moms coming up to me saying in ten minutes you can say that you’re ‘Just-In-Beaver’. That exact line has been said to me a couple hundred times, it must be some kind of internet saying. I think I have a good idea what they’re suggesting, I just hope their kids standing right there while they’re saying it don’t.”


Bieber goes further suggesting that moms aren’t his only adult fans. “I’m a man’s man, so I get dads coming up to me a lot. I had a dad talking to me about the fact that the True Grit remake was coming out and he was a big fan of the original John Wayne version.” Bieber gets suddenly quiet requiring a prod from Scooter, wearing a “Just-In-Beaver” tank top, to finish his story. “So he said that he had a crush on the girl in the original, I was more confused that watching Inception why he was telling me this. But then he said that I reminded him of her and basically he said he wanted to umm like… titty fuck me, even though I didn’t have much to work with. And he had four kids that looked exactly like him.”

After this confession, Bieber quickly changes the subject, “I gotta lot of stuff to do right now. I have to respond back to Jimmy Fallon on Twitter and I just discovered Arrested Development, the show and the music group, both crazy good. I’ll get at you peeps later,” Bieber says with a toothy smile and a wink to the camera.


With these two very different documentaries, it is clear that Biebermania taking over the world is right on time for 2012.