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October 02, 2017

You gotta break a few eggs to make an omelette.

Me: Why are there 75 new pictures of you on my phone?
Conan: Oh, right, I was taking selfies while you were gone.
Me: I was gone for 3 minutes!
Conan: So?
Me: So? You took 75 pictures in less than 3 minutes?
Conan: That is a low number. My selfie game must be slipping.
Me: Dude, that’s a lot and they’re all the exact same picture!
Conan: Are you kidding? Each of those pictures is entirely different.
Me: What? No, they aren’t. Every one of these pictures is you sticking your tongue out.
Conan: Right, but the differences are in the subtleties.
Me: You’re insane.
Conan: No, look. See in this pic?
Me: See what?
Conan: My eyes, man. My eyes. In this pic they are saying, “I’m vulnerable.”
Me: And what about this?
Conan: My eyes are saying, “Hey, baby”.
Me: And this one?
Conan: “Back off, Sucka!”
Me: And this one?
Conan: “I’m shy but available”.
Me: All of these pictures are exactly the same.
Conan: You just don’t get it. It’s no wonder you’re single.
Me: Wha…I’m….Dude, I’m married!
Conan: You are? To who?!
Me: Who do you think!?!?
Conan: ….
Me: ….
Conan: Wait…no way…my Lady Human?
Me: YES!
Conan: What was she thinking?
Me: I don’t kn….Hey!