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January 08, 2016
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A breakdown of which NFL team you should support in the playoffs based on your political leanings.

The 2016 election season has dominated headlines for months. Since there is barely anytime left for other news, you may or may not be aware that the NFL playoffs kick off on Saturday with the divisional round. Luckily, your political leanings and this year’s playoff teams share more similarities than you think.


Hillary Clinton

Hillary voters should root for the Seattle Seahawks. They are both in pretty good shape to win this year, even though they definitely should have won last time around.

Donald Trump

Trump supporters should root for the Carolina Panthers. They both have an early lead on the competition, are brash and loud, and will crumble before getting anywhere close to the prize.

Marco Rubio

The Arizona Cardinals. It wouldn’t be a huge surprise if they win, but I’ve never actually met one of their supporters. Do they exist?

Ted Cruz

The Houston Texans. Lone star state lunatics with no real chance.
Jeb Bush

No strangers to the competition but somehow way worse than previous versions, just like the New England Patriots.

Carly Fiorina

The only goal is to not get laughed out of the room, just like the Cincinnati Bengals

Chris Christie
Gotta Gotta be the Cheeseheads, also known as the Green Bay Packers. This is a fat joke.

Martin O'Malley

The Minnesota Vikings: What are they still doing here? This will not end well.

Ben Carson

The Kansas City Chiefs, destined to return to obscurity

John Kasich

The Pittsburgh Steelers. A reasonable, if painfully boring, choice.

Bernie Sanders

The Denver Broncos. They might actually win, but who the fuck predicted it would happen this way?

Rick Santorum
The Washington Redskins. Out­ of­ touch, hate­-filled assholes!
See, everyone can enjoy the NFL. Let’s go Chiefs!

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