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May 01, 2017

We've heard 'em before and hopefully after this definitive and comprehensive list, we won't hear 'em ever again.

As a generation grows into its identity, it develops its own common language. Well guess what, millennials, I’ve had it with ours already. Check this list and strike these phrases out of your everyday vocab right now.

That’s So Random

It is not safe to speak outright to the nature of the universe. Do not breathe into existence what we know to already be true about everything. The Abyss hates the obvious, and we must hate what The Abyss hates.

I’m Dating Legendary Rapper Lil Wayne

While I’m all for polygamous relationships and don’t see any downside to them whatsoever, there’s no way that every person I meet is unavailable to date me because they’re already in a committed relationship with the “How To Love” singer.

The Pillsbury Doughboy Is A Symbol For White Supremacy

He just isn’t.

Please Stop Robbing My Home

Even if you ask nicely, I’m not going to stop. I cannot stop. Don’t you think I’d like to? I get no joy from seeing the look of pure terror on you and your family’s faces. There is no entertainment in taking material possessions of yours that you’ve fostered a weird attachment to. I am not satiating a weird internal desire to be somewhere I am legally not supposed to be, okay? I’m just doing my job.

That’s So Me/Me Af

Your concept of self should not be contingent purely on external stimuli. Just because you see something you identify with, doesn’t mean you need announce it to the world.

Being Goth Is Easy

Maybe if you’re in Alaska. But here in Arizona, sweat-proof make up is getting marked up out the ass and it’s enough to make me hang up the spike collar for good.

For Every Candle You Blow Out, I’ll Light Another

Too bad, smart guy. I’ve got air as long as I’m alive and it’s free, baby. Can’t say the same about candles, can you?

Take That Moth Off Of Its Leash Because It Is A Moth And Does Not Need A Leash

I will not take my moth off of its leash because then it might fly away and it would no longer be my moth.