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Published September 09, 2012 More Info »
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Published September 09, 2012

 

To the surprise of only the vessel's newest crewmembers, Captain Briyan F. Leigh of the U.S.S. Abu Ghraib canceled all requests for shore leave during the attack group's scheduled docking at Cebu City, Philippine Islands. (Procurement officers shall be allowed access to markets on shore.) Said executive officer Lieutenant Quincy Klein-Trask, a sleep-deprived man who appeared to be overseeing work on a half-dozen different tasks: “Captain Leigh deliberated at great length over whether or not to grant his sailors access to the Philippine population while this ship is tied up securely in her berth, deciding only after much soul searching and many long, midnight walks, to keep everyone on board.”

 

Captain Leigh's efforts are being mirrored by some of the group's other senior officers, including Captains 'Hesitant' Horace Greysound, Jr. and 'Deliberate' Dean Kwantzik. Said ensign Tieresza Rainnholds, of the U.S.S. Guantanamo Bay, who hails from Great Bend, Wyoming, on condition of anonymity, “We suspected that old Slow Leigh would cancel shore leave after those mishaps during our recent training in the Sea of Japan. This crew, however, was innocent in the matter; Captain Boris 'Be-There-In-A-Jiffy' Yu even admitted during his court martial that he authorized the shelling of that village. I'm pissed – the boys and I have been looking forward to snorkeling C4A Mile Bay for months, now. But, at least this time, we got a few hours' warning; last time, half of the ship's crew had been lined up at the gangplanks with packed bags for a good hour before a passing bosun's-mate crushed our spirits, telling us to go stow our bed-rolls.”

 

This is not the first time that Captain 'Slow' Leigh butted shore leave; he canceled it back in 2008 after weeks of teeth-grating contemplation, deciding at the last minute to jeopardize crew morale for the sake of decorum and as a way to remind junior officers to take things easy, saying in a memorandum that he considered it poor form to run about making decision all half-cocked, and willy-nilly.

 

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