Penguin Origins and Evolution
Penguins are ancient creatures and fossil evidence has been found that suggests they grew up to the size of humans during prehistoric times. This would have allowed them to tame and ride several species of dinosaurs. Did penguins have dinosaur rodeos? Scientists can't offer any conclusive proof, but point out that there wasn't much else to do with dinosaurs back in those days. It is possible that exhaustion from these events eventually led to the extinction of dinosaurs.
A few millennia later penguins apparently developed technology that allowed them to control the weather. While experimenting they triggered the first ice age, dropping temperatures around the globe to a level better enjoyed by penguins. This also undoubtedly introduced a new pastime where they would shine a bright light at another animal causing it to stare, mesmerized as a glacier slowly encased it in ice.
As humanity evolved it is likely penguins purposely reduced their own size through genetic engineering in order to better lull us into a false sense of superiority. Another evolutionary change took place when penguins traded their ability to fly for swimming proficiency. It is theorized they did this to better differentiate themselves from other birds, much like how some humans get tribal tattoos or pop their collars. However, unlike humans this change is actually useful in navigating their environment.
Penguins also adapted to hold their breath under the water for extended periods of time. Humans have observed penguins diving to depths of several hundred meters and staying submerged for over 20 minutes. With eyes adapted for underwater vision, few things escape their notice. If you ever pee in the pool a penguin probably knows about it.
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