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February 27, 2017

"I don't know folks, but I've never once seen Hillary taking her dick out for Harambe."

Trump Claims Harambe Was Set to Testify Against Hillary Clinton Before Assassination

Claiming that the shabby media failed to report on this because of their inherent corruption and careerism, President of the United States Donald Trump announced Sunday that Harambe the gorilla was planning to testify against Hillary Clinton just days after he was assassinated.

While ignoring the economy, the numerous domestic crises on his plate, and budding conflicts with longtime rivals Russia and China, the leader of the free world claimed that his personal investigative team of unemployed 4chan users found an array of leaks proving that Harambe was targeted by the Clinton campaign for knowing too much about her dealings with the Saudis.

“We have proof, tremendous proof, some of the greatest proof I’ve ever seen, believe me,” said the so-called president while referencing a Breitbart article that explained how the child who fell into the gorilla pit was planted there by George Soros and the liberal elite. “Anyone who’s not reporting on this is fake news.”

Mr Trump added that it’s not that he’s making any assumptions, but that he had never once seen Hillary taking her dick out for Harambe.

“The media, it’s unbelievable. I say, ‘Hillary Clinton killed Harambe’, and the media says, ‘Trump lies once again.’ It’s unbelievable. How could they do that to me? But folks, I’ll tell you one thing. Harambe took shots for us, but Hillary Clinton never took shots for Harambe.”

Trump supporters across the nation took the President fully at his word, saying that “he tells it like it is” and that these PC liberals had gone too far with this gorilla killing.

“These liberals sicken me,” said MAGA hat wearer Jim Robson. “One thing is to kill an endangered species while hunting in its protected natural habitat, but to do it in the zoo? That’s just abhorrent.”