Full Credits

Stats & Data

0Funny
0Die
17
Views
January 12, 2017
Published
Description

The British Royals lord it over a bunch of American hillbillies.

The British Monarchy is about as outdated, quaint, and ludicrous a sham as that perpetuated by the kind of people who want to believe in Mary Poppins.

Okay, let’s end it, finito!

That ages-old scam, the British Monarchy.

The queen, her royal highness, is a little high after ingesting a gin tonic at a reception amid her fawning sycophants. What is she thinking? “I must appear royal. I must. I’m stoned.”

What does she think when she goes to the toilet? “I’m royal, and I’m on the toilet. I’m descended from heaven.”

C'mon!

This little island country whose inhabitants used to paint themselves blue and lived in caves eating rotten boar entrails at a time when street lighting and libraries had already been opened in ancient Babylon.

This little realm that managed to subdue what were termed savages with dark skins all around the world because it built a navy represented by people who have so little sunlight in their own country and whose skin is so white it practically glows in the dark.

They committed the biggest rip-off in world history.

The Brits have so much to be proud of with their monarchy. Henry’s chopping the heads off seven wives, another king murdering the child twins in the Tower of London, British soldiers massacring stone-age Zulu warriors in 1879 with state-of-the-art-for-the-time Henry repeating rifles, or enslaving the entire continent of India, which they condescendingly and optimistically called"The Raj,“ and which again was a civilized society long before England’s claims to be.

Incest, stealing, bigamy, adultery, robbing, murdering, with a Union Jack flag and a King James Bible always close at hand. Right up until our own time. This realm, this England!

The savages they once ruled across the globe were often horrified at the brutality of the British, one savage to another. It’s a fact Hitler admired and respected the British Empire and halted his tanks short when he had the British trapped on the beach at Dunkirk. At first he didn’t want to annihilate them,hurt their feelings, but admired their empire and considered them (except Jews)racial equals and hoped that as kindred spirits they’d come to their senses,stop fighting him and join his world crusade invading lesser peoples in Russia.

The list of English misdeeds goes on. Using China as a drug cartel opium den.

Murdering and starving millions of Irish during the potato famine and ignoring it at best, laughing about it at worst.

The Brits, the people, seem proud of this history for some reason, as though because of Shakespeare alone, the Union Jack represents some kind of enlightenment.

Here comes the queen. Yell "God save the queen!” Maybe it should be"God damn the queen!“

See how daintily the queen extends her hand, displaying her jewels (stolen from the former Ceylon now called Sri Lanka and other places). Her consort, the tall, eagle-looking Prince Philip, descended from German warlords, the people who brought you the Holocaust, changed his German name to a more English sounding one. He looks dashing, superior.

The British at one point literally stripped the frieze, a priceless tableau of ancient masterly cravings, off the top of the Parthenon in Athens and looted it back to England. The caryatids, the six female figures guarding the same building for centuries; one of those was ripped off and brought back to the British Museum joining literally thousands of other looted treasures from countries around the world. Shame on you! Return your stolen loot.

A pack of ocean-going thieves. How did they do it? How did they at one time rule and steal the world?

They built a navy with big guns. They could sail around the world terrorizing natives who had no navy. Today, the British island is only a shell of what it once was with a GNP lower than that of Los Angeles. But it still has its queen.

Ironically, the natives the British once conquered immigrated to the British Island and can’t find jobs. Talk about chickens coming home to roost. The realm has shrunk in recent years. The queen is going to leave on a complete motoring trip of the empire. She’ll be back in 20 minutes.

Nevertheless, the queen continues visiting and smiling and waving. She exercises no real power of command, a figurehead, riding in her carriage,waving her little bejeweled hand. She still has her jewels.

People still bow and scrape. Why? The monarchies of Russia and Germany were disposed of long ago.

The answer is, the Brits are the only imperialists who became expert, developed it to a fine art, and they are still able to get away with it today, the idea that you were lucky to be under their sway. They told you how wonderful you were even though it was subtly implied that you were beneath them. They learned never to tell you this directly to your face like other imperialists in other countries in the past, that you were less. But they always acted haughty, above it all.

You were lucky to be their personal underling. You knew it too.

The Brits, they didn’t make the mistake of being overbearing to the point of unbearable. They’d speak in that lilting poetic tone they have, and talk about you being part of a "Commonwealth.”

See how they use the word “Commonwealth.” It sounds fair, like you as a bloody savage were sharing in it, the wealth, when in fact you weren’t. They were stripping your poor country raw and shipping everything of value back to England. Commonwealth was just pure theft.

They treated you as though you were lucky to have them as overlords, as though it was some kind of higher state than your own miserable wretch situation, like you couldn’t take care of yourself because you weren’t intelligent enough. You were childlike.

You needed the guidance of the British. It was as if you were almost, not quite, but almost, one of them.

Millions of people bought into this. But then if you objected, they’d take a whip to you and throw you in jail as they did with Gandhi, who had the extremist view that India should be ruled by, English God forbid, Indians!

The British are a little more circumspect today, but no less arrogant when it comes to their royalty.

Don’t you get tired of watching the queen and her boys coming to visit and all the media attention and people falling over themselves in enthrallment as the royals pose in uniforms wearing golden swords and fake medals? Is this real or is this a kind of Disneyland? People fawn and practically drool when the queen approaches as if she is somebody of importance. Don’t you get sick of her pale children parading around waving to adoring crowds as if they have some kind of control over the outcome of events?

But we buy into it and suck up to it. Why? Why are Americans so impressed with the English monarchy, instead of laughing at it?

Because despite our power, despite that fact that we rule the world as a colossus, we’re still (to the English, and ourselves) a bunch of ignorant hillbillies impressed by the mere trappings of imagined power. For all our supposed sophistication, we know they’re better. This is what we still think,many of us, in the recesses of our subconscious.

Look at American Idol and American television dance contest shows. They all have a British host or judge (Simon). Why? This is our country. Because we think the Brits are cool, despite their diminished status. We’re still rural village idiots impressed by the crown.

In a computer world, it’s still gold, jewels, crowns, platinum dinner plates,and purple embossed toilet paper that matter. And glamour. And fancy cars. It’s things. They have a lot of things.

Royal things.

In other words, it’s still a case of, if you give the natives trinkets, or if you have them or wear them yourself, it makes the ignorant natives (like us)happy.

To ourselves as well as the English, we’re still a bunch of nose picking, eggsuckin,‘ rear-end-scratchin,’ belching, ignorant low-rent hay-kicking village idiots who bow and scrape in the presence of the queen’..or else.

“Your majesty.”

It’s the same with the Pope in the Vatican. Gold. Jewels worn in the name of religion. Stolen from vulnerable people all over the world over the ages.

It all sounds so lovely. This little nondescript woman descended from God. Did God put the crown on her head? No.

As long as there are people willing to bow where the queen can lord it, from those wanting to be lorded, the English monarchy will live on.

A Brit reading this might say, “how dare you say that?”

My answer would be, it’s easy, it’s easy, it’s so easy, to dare.

Advertisement
Advertisement