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June 28, 2012

John Travota was sued yet again today for failing to sexually assault his longtime interior decorator, allegedly causing "severe emotional distress".

In the midst of a media firestorm, John Travota is being sued yet again, this time for failing to sexually assault his longtime interior decorator, allegedly causing "severe emotional distress."

Stavros Babinski, 37 of Santa Monica, has been working for Travolta for fifteen years. "But in all that time," says Babinski, "John-John hasn’t so much as rubbed up against me."

The lawsuit was prompted by a cruise ship worker who recently accused Travolta of unwanted sexual advances. "He offers some waiter boy twelve-grand in exchange for a naked neck massage?" Babinski continued. "And I'm like, 'hello, what am I, minced liver?'"

Babinski says he made himself continually available to Travolta, describing himself as a "peacock in heat."

"I’d prance around in these adorable bedazzled denim cutoffs and a half-T, but it was like I didn’t exist. I’m thinking, ‘Am I too fat? Is it my receding hairline?’ It drove me mental!”

The breaking point came while the disgruntled designer was decorating Travolta's master bathroom.

"John-John needed to choose a shower set. So I put several varieties of curtain rings to choose from on my penis. Nothing! He just pointed and said he liked the brushed chrome rings by Moen. Which, I must say, was the perfect choice."

In a press release today attorneys for Travolta confirmed Stavros' worst nightmare, stating, "Mr. Travolta is simply not attracted to Stavros. John typically goes for much younger men. And last time I checked, that is not a crime."