After Kanye West gave a rambling but oddly compelling 4-minute speech at the VMAs earlier this week, and this being the season of choosing a new president, we decided to Kanye-ify a few famous speeches from American presidents.
The Gettysburg Address
“My name is Abraham Lincoln, and that feels really great to say, especially this year. I came here to dedicate a portion of a battlefield, but before I do that, Imma talk…
Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth, on this continent, a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
You know, the audacity to put George Washington next to Alexander Hamilton in my speech. I put John Jay in it, bro. This is liberty, bro.”
The Infamy Speech
“Yesterday, December 7, 1941- a date which will live as an expression of its now, its infamy right now– like, you know, when you’re a senior and it’s the last day and you just don’t feel like doing work, but you get hit with a surprise exam- the United States was suddenly and deliberately attacked by the naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.
My wife, Eleanor Roosevelt, is a G.”
Tear Down This Wall
“Like, people come to me like, ‘Damn, that’s right, take Mikhail.’ Like, bro, I love all y’all. That’s why I called him to come to this gate.
Brooo, tonight we’re going to have fun. I’m standing in front of my wife, Nancy Reagan. I’m standing in front of my role model, David Hasselhoff.
Bro, open this gate.
Bro, tear down this wall.”
JFK’s Inaugural Address
“And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.
I see you, Marilyn…”