Full Credits

Stats & Data

September 24, 2017

If you ever wanted to see someone lose their teeth in a fight this was the show for you.

CITY: Los Angeles, CA
VENUE: Staples Center
ATTENDANCE: Twice as many as a Chargers game

If you came to this RAW event looking for mercy then you are a fool!

Tonight, there is No Mercy!

1) Intercontinental Championship Match: Jason Jordan vs. The Miz ©

Jason Jordan overcame the incredible odds of having his “father” give him a shot at the Intercontinental title. Meanwhile Heath Slater’s kids are starving SMDH.

The Miztourage is in LA with The Miztercontinental champion. They definitely will get involved.

Jordan, dressed like a can of Surge, takes early advantage.

Miz takes the match to the floor of the Staples Center. Why did we spend good money for this ring if they’re always just gonna play outside?

Miz gets too cocky and sets Jordan up for a big comeback that pops Los Angeles.

Jordan gets the Miztourage in on the action, delivering some more suplex justice.

LA begins to rally around Kurt Angle’s son but the numbers game proves to be too much. After a Bo Dallas distraction Jordan gets clocked in the head by Curtis Axel near the ropes, leaving him wide open for a Skull Crushing Finale.

Much like a can of Surge, Jason Jordan gave us huge burst of energy before being crushed and tossed away.

2) Still champ?

Miz Wins.jpg

“I’m coming for that Connor’s Cure title next!”

Still champ.

3) Regular Man Match: Finn Balor Vs. Bray Wyatt

After the Finn Balor (Demon Variant) fought Wyatt at SummerSlam, Bray demanded a chance to fight the Newsstand Version.

Wyatt comes out, followed by Balor (Wolf Grey Variant).

Balor gets jumped before the match as Wyatt dirtbag slams the regularman off an announce table.

The officials come to collect what’s left of Balor and help him to the back. Wyatt gloats on the house mic. Shhh, Bray, Finn will hear you!

Oh, he did. Balor heads back to the ring.

It’s all big power moves; within a minute Balor is missile dropkicking Wyatt through the security barriers.

Back in the ring Wyatt is momentarily possessed by Sister Abagail Stevie Nicks.

Balor has a little comeback that leads him to the top rope. Wyatt does his fun yoga pose, surprising no one except Finn Balor.

Lots of back and forth as both men trade signature moves. Balor goes up top and finally hits a Coup Des Grace on the back of Bray Wyatt’s skull. Wyatt kicks out at two.

Neither man can put the other away so Wyatt climbs to the top rope and has some kind of existential crisis I guess? Balor takes him down with a leaping kick to the skull. He finishes up with another missile dropkick into the corner and a final Coup De Grace.

4) WWE Raw Tag Team Championship Match: The Bar (Sheamus & Cesaro) vs. The Sh–ld (Seth Rollins & Dean Ambrose) ©

These four have been having absolute scorchers since SummerSlam. Rollins and Ambrose took the titles at that event and now the European wrecking crew are here to get them back.

Cesaro and Ambrose early and Cesaro takes Ambrose outside and introduces him to the stairs.

Ambrose returns the favor though, slingshotting Cesaro into the turnbuckle and KNOCKING OUT HIS FRONT TEETH.

Cesaro takes a lot of offense from Rollins after a hot tag then sneaks out of the ring to make sure he didn’t get murdered. That was for-real gruesome.

If you assumed at this point it’s dude beating the shit out of dudes you’re right. Cesaro looks like he’s been in a wreck. LA is hot for everyone in the match. All four keep heightening the violence.

Ambrose, SOMEHOW, kicks out at two. Watching this is exhausting it should count as cardio.

Sheamus goes for a final Brogue Kick on Ambrose but instead connects with Cesaro. Rollins sneaks in to deliver a V-Trigger to Sheamus and a Dirty Deeds gives Ambrose the W.

5) Still champs?

Sh--le Wins.jpg

We’re the same person

Still champs.

6) WWE Raw Women’s Championship Match: Bayley vs. Nia Jax vs. Emma vs. Sasha Banks vs. Alexa Bliss ©

I’m ready to give the Alexa/Sasha rivalry a rest for now so this feels like a good way to set up some new rivalries.

Nia is presented as the biggest threat in the match, and for good reason.

Her size and power forces the other women to team up and do crazy shit like this.

No one is able to get a clean pin; everyone’s health bar is still too full. Los Angeles is on their feet when Nia accidentally takes herself out on the post. Hey that’s Cesaro’s move!

Alexa uses some quick trickery to bounce Bayley off Emma then bounces Bayley’s head off the mat with a DDT. Alexa sneaks out with her title once again.

7) Still champ?

Still champ.

8) GOD.

9) John Cena vs. Roman Reigns

These two have been shit talking each other like it’s 1998. It’s total smark bait and I’ve been eating it up. Plus when he’s not doing that he’s been Weird Cena lately and that’s been interesting.

Los Angeles lets John know they want him to go home and for once Cena listens. He heads to the back for a protein shake but Reigns, knowing he’s already drank the last of Cena’s whey, stops Cena on the stage with some big clubbing blows.

Once the match is back in the ring it’s…slow. Reigns drags Cena across the ring from beatdown to beatdown.

Cena begins his comeback but Reigns has an answer, or a punch or a kick for all five of Cena’s moves.

They’re not moving slow but after those last two matches it’s not the same pace.

We eventually get to main event gear as each man is delivering a major move with a nearfall. Superman punch, AA, STF, WTF, Superman punch, supermanplex, Superman…punch.

Cena climbs up top with Reigns and drops the Yardman with an AA off the ropes but only gets a two count. Los Angeles chants “one more time” and Cena once again listens. He drags Reigns to the announce tables but–

The monsters crawl back to the ring where Cena recovers and delivers an AA into a rolling AA - an AAAA! Reigns barely gets his shoulder up. Cena is Finn Balor-level shocked.

As he rises to his feet, Reigns throws a superprise Superman superpunch and a Spear, putting down Cena for a clean 1-2-3.

WWE Production Staff quickly rebalances the crowd levels so we can’t hear the boos.

Post match Cena raises Reigns’ hand as Los Angeles Roman Rains boos on Roman Reigns.

10) Crusierweight Championship Match: Enzo Amore vs. Neville ©

For as outmatched as Enzo is by Neville he has a level of character none of the 205 Live crew has yet. Neville is awesome but no one seems to know this anymore. Despite what people think of him backstage he’s a big new voice for a show that doesn’t quite have an identity.

Nevermind, Amore comes out dressed like Beetlejuice and runs down Neville on the mic. He talks about the Cruiserweight Title like it’s a woman and he’s gonna..I guess f*ck it? A confusing analogy.

Once the match starts Neville runs down Amore with his boots.

That’s pretty much the story as Neville owns Enzo.

But Neville gets cocky. He sets up a Red Arrow, then decides against it, deeming Enzo unworthy of his finisher. Neville takes the elevator to the second turnbuckle and attempts a falcon splash. But he took too long! Amore moves and drops the champ with a DDG from the top rope but only gets a two.

Amore gets tossed from the ring and takes Neville’s title, or lady, or whatever. So this means in Enzo’s eyes he’s just dragging around a woman? Whatever it is is upsetting the champion. He needs that belt to keep his underwear up.

Enzo takes the title to the ring. The ref takes it back. While the ref folding it real nice for the timekeeper Amore kicks Neville straight in the dick as hard as he can and gets the pin.

11) New champ?

Enzo Wins.jpg

The sauce is an acquired taste.

New champ.

BONUS) Enzo making enemies

Let’s go to Virgil for the exclusive. Virgil?

12) Snoop rhyming about WWE

13) WWE Universal Championship Match: Braun Stroman vs. Brock Lesnar ©

We saw the Cruiserweights now it’s time for the Bruiserweights.

Braun Strowman has owned Brock Lesnar from the first time they’ve met. He has bodied the champ over and over again.

The last match they had was the car wreck spectacular at SummerSlam. Lesnar was stretchered out of the match before sneaking back to win.

This one is no different. Braun is in control right away.

Two running powerslams can’t put away Lesnar. The Beast takes control then hits a F5 OUTTA NOWHERE to KO Strowman and escape with the title.

The buildup felt like it was more fun than the match itself.

14) Still champ?

Lesnar Wins.jpg

“That was a big sumbitch”

Still champ.

A wild show with a good crowd and some stand out performances.

Let’s kick it back to Virgil for his thoughts. Virgil?

Thank you, Virgil.

Matt Hardy?

WWE is back in two weeks with “Hell In A Cell.” Jinder Mahal defends his title against Shinsuke Nakamura in yet another cage except this one rhymes.