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December 02, 2011

Newt wasn't a lobbyist, he was a highly paid visionary. And my dog didn't pee on your leg, he watered your pants.




Newt Gingrich received millions to provide clients special access to lawmakers, but he insists he is not and never has been a lobbyist.  Instead, Newt claims he’s a paid visionary who traffics in ideas.
So, Newt’s not a lying adulterer, but a trafficker of superfluous love; nor is he mean, he’s just imitating Stalin with historical accuracy; and Gingrich didn’t leave his cancer-stricken wife so much as he gave her the space to heal.  
By the same token, my dog didn’t piss on your leg, he watered your pants; I don’t owe you money, but have instead provided you an opportunity to reexamine your deficit ledger; I’m not stealing your beer so much as liberating it from your grasp.
The World according to Newt is a strange place, but with a little work and lots of cognitive dissonance, we can get the hang of it!