We all know that it is unthinkable for a police officer to illegally plant a gun on a dead person to cover up having just wrongfully shot and killed that person. It is impossible and I don’t want to hear another word of it. All cops are good, all the time. “Implicit bias” is fake, Bad Lieutenant is a work of fiction and police don’t plant guns. PERIOD.

However, as a licensed optometrist who hangs his reputation on having impeccable eyesight, I can’t deny that a gun does appear to fall from the sky in this video:

Now, if you ask me – and I’m sorry if this ruffles the feathers of you “PC” types – I think that gun was dropped there by some kind of flying black guy, most likely Keith Scott’s accomplice in whatever crime he intended to commit before the Charlotte police bravely intervened. This unidentified flying black man, possibly having gained such powers while high on PCP or some other illegal street drug, was likely attempting to aid and abet Keith Scott in God knows what sort of heinous, black crime. This flying black man must have been soaring overhead just moments after the shooting, hoping to drop the weapon into the waiting hands of Keith Scott, not realizing that the Charlotte PD was one step ahead of them both. It had to have been something like that because police do not break the law. Case closed.

Now, I know what you’re thinking; “Can black guys fly?” Well, the truth is, we don’t know what they’re capable of, which is what makes these hardworking police officers’ jobs so difficult. And since it is utterly impossible for these officers to have planted that gun near Keith Scott, the only logical explanation for its sudden appearance is my Flying Black Man theory.

FBGs.jpg

Some guesses as to what this flying black man may have looked like.

An alternative possibility – the ONLY alternative possibility – is that the flying black man was actually attempting to kill Keith Scott by dropping a gun on his head in another tragic case of black-on-black crime, in which case the police officers merely beat the flying man to the punch. Whichever way it went down, and it was one of these two ways, the Charlotte Police Department ought to be commended for their ability to foresee and thwart such an elaborate, gravity-defying, black scheme. It’s just a shame that the police weren’t able to shoot down the accomplice as well, because as is usually the case with black men shot by police, I’m sure this flying man was no angel.

Now, ordinarily all of this could be laid to rest by simply watching the body cam footage released by the Charlotte PD itself, but in this case the officer did not activate his body camera until after the shooting of Keith Scott. Some may call this “a clear violation of department policy,” but I call it a brave choice by a police department obviously looking to avoid copycat crimes by other flying black guys (FBGs).

The truth is, we don’t know how that gun got there. I realize that the idea of a flying black guy is pretty far-fetched, so I am willing to accept that it could also have been some sort of invisible black guy, high on black invisibility drugs, who walked right up next to the officers and dropped the gun in question.

Either way, I just want to take a moment to thank the brave men and women of the Charlotte Police Department, and to apologize for even questioning your assertion that Keith Scott had a gun on him at the time when you shot him. Ordinarily I would never question the actions or statements of police officers on any level because they have a proven track record of being perfect and infallible. However, as an eye care professional, I can’t deny seeing that gun appear on the ground where there was no gun before. You see, when I became an optometrist, I swore a solemn oath to serve, protect and uphold the laws of vision for all people – wait, what am I telling you folks this for? A police officer would never break an oath.

Advertisement
Advertisement