Unlike your standard bully, i am a very clever, creative bully. Say there's a nerd talking to some girl in the hallway. Your standard bully will bump into him sending him careening into the wall and say something like, "oops, didn't see you there." Not bad, but there is so much more you can do! What i would do, and have done, is pull out my stun gun. I set it to high and very casually zap him in the side while looking the other way. The nerd voids his bowels right in front of everyone, even the girl he finally got the confidence to talk to!!!! That little jewel made a nerd commit suicide back in 08'.
I guess my dad is my biggest influence on my nerd bashing. My dad does not tolerate ANY nerd behavior, not even from me. One time i spilled some shrimp ramen powder onto the floor, and I guess Dad thought that was "nerdy enough" to warrant a beating. Dad took a swig off his "nerd smashing juice" (a clear liquid contained in a 750 ml glass bottle) and proceeded to whomp my head with a frozen banana he found in the back of the freezer.
Yes sir, i am a bully and damn proud of it. Savage Henry originally wasn't going to run this piece, but after showing Chris Durant my block of Nerdish Spring and saying "you look a little Nirty," he immediately changed his tune. Please check out my piece in next months issue titled, "How to smoke crystal meth out of a 60 watt light bulb."