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March 09, 2017
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Written for CONAN: Donald calls Barack about Saint Patrick's Day.

Written by: Kelly Brotman

Date Written: 3/09/2017

Email: kellybrotman@gmail.com

Formatting difficulties by funnyordie.com

CONAN SEGMENT

Donald Trump calling Barack Obama

Donald and Barack Split screen both on the phone.

DONALD

Barack did you know notice that the torch that Statue of Liberty’s holds is out?

BARACK

I think that is just a technical problem Donald.

DONALD

I believe that the protestors have done it deliberately just to get my goat.

BARACK

Again it is probably a technical problem, don’t get your knickers in a knot.

DONALD

What are knickers? Is that another name for knockers?

BARACK

I really don’t have time for this Donald.

]

Scene cuts to another phone conversation between Donald and Barack.

DONALD

Barack you go to help me, a guy named King is threatening to send trolls after me!

BARACK

That is what the author Stephen King is doing to you on Twitter.

DONALD

So I do not need to have the White House barracked?

BARACK

What? No! Donald you did not just barrack the White House.

DONALD

Not only did I barrack it , I also had a moat made because I hear trolls are afraid of water.

BARACK

I am hanging up now Donald.

DONALD

You should see what I have in the moat.

Scene cuts to another phone conversation.

DONALD

Hi Barack, so I told the public that you released a lot of prisoners from Guantanamo Bay.

BARACK

Only nine prisoners were released Donald.

DONALD

So I did not need to make the Facebook page, Barack is a major poopie head?

BARACK

No you did not. So stop sending flaming bags of dog poop on my front porch.

Scene cuts to another phone conversation.

DONALD

Pence tells me to not take my son to see new Beauty and the Beast movie.

BARACK

He probably is just being small minded because their is a gay character in the movie.

DONALD

There is?! I thought he didn’t want me to go because he is afraid that I am using the governments money on movie tickets.

BARACK

Your not spending our country’s money on movie tickets!

DONALD

Of course not, I use Trump Tower dollars.

Scene cuts to next conversation between Donald and Barack.

DONALD

Hey Bar, did you hear that kids were finally allowed in the White House?

BARACK

Yes I did. I find that to be a great tradition that I am happy that you started up again.

DONALD

(Whispering) Did the paternity come back negative?

BARACK

What did you just say Donald?

DONALD

I got to go Bar, need to celebrate the new tax return.

Scene cuts to an other conversation between Donald and Barack.

DONALD

Hey Barack Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!

BARACK
Happy Saint Patrick’s Day to you too!

DONALD

I’m turning the Oval office into a big party zone.

BARACK
I don’t think that’s appropriate Donald.

DONALD

No your not inappropriate.

BARACK

That does not even make sense.

DONALD
Takes one to know one.

BARACK
Donald are you drunk?!

DONALD
Melania wants more whiskey so she can get drunk enough to make out with Kellyanne I got to go.

Screen cuts to the next conversation between Donald and Barack.

DONALD
Bar have you tried the new Oreo candy bar yet?

BARACK

Isn’t that high in cholesterol?

DONALD

What’s cholesterol? Is that some sort of flavoring agent?

BARACK

It effects the heart.

DONALD

Mike keeps giving them to me, I just love the creamy goodness.

BARACK

Better not eat anymore of those Donald.

DONALD

Mike just gave me five more.

End of Segment.

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