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January 15, 2016
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How can millennials be expected to reconcile their love for apps with their passion for nostalgia? Here's how.

The Selfie Generation. The Me Me Me Generation. Generation Y, or maybe it’s Z, or, IDK!! All we know is that millennials love to play with their “apps” on their “hands-free devices,” but that they also feel nostalgia for a time before technologies like that existed. How can they possibly be expected to reconcile the two? Here are some tips FOR MILLENNIALS’ EYES ONLY on how to do just that:

  • Sext with “Bae" using just a string and two empty tin soup cans.
  • Peach your pogs to Bae.
  • Revine Bae’s Vine with one of those apps that make it look like a grainy old VHS tape. Now Bae’s Vine looks retro, awesome!
  • Declare your love for Bae by hooking your Spotify up to a big ol’ boombox and holding it over your head outside Bae’s window like in that movie.
  • Put something fun on that Spotify playlist you made for Bae, like for instance the Macarena!
  • Rewind the useless mixtapes Bae made for you with Bae’s useless Apple Pencil.
  • Seamless some Ring Pops for you and Bae to share.
  • Charge Bae on Venmo for the Ring Pop you got for Bae.
  • Send Bae charges on Paypal and Square Cash, too, just in case Bae missed the Venmo request.
  • When Bae breaks up with you for using all Bae’s stuff and being so weird about the Ring Pop thing, go on Tinder to find yourself a new Bae.
  • Try Bumble and Hinge too, just in case nobody on Tinder is Bae-material.
  • Dating apps are so millennial though, and not that nostalgic at all!
  • Maybe wear a fun, printed fanny pack on your first date!
  • Ask your date (“Future Bae") if they like your vintage FP and tell them if they like it to recommend you on Peeple.
  • Flirt with Future Bae by telling them about the sexting-with-tin-cans thing.
  • When Future Bae leaves without a kiss or hug don’t try to force anything but be sure to secure a positive rating from them on Peeple.
  • Decide to take a break from dating for some valuable “me time"—Get yourself a FitBit! But, like, one that’s on a Slap Bracelet. Retro!!
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