Full Credits

Stats & Data

August 11, 2011

I get some must see intel on the secret herbs and spices

After weaks of interrogation and bribery, a insider at the K.F.C head quarters reveals that puppy tears is a key ingredient in the making of their famous fried chicken. The insider, who will not be named due to legal-ish matters, told me that he got a leg from the K.F.C next to his apartment and took it to a scientist whose name I also don't know (god I need better researchers. . .).

Sad puppy face

After 3 experiments the scientist said : " yep, one of the ingredients is definately puppy tears". When asked how she knew that her test were completeley accurate the scientist simply (very simply) said  "cause im a scientist, and if you don't believe me then just check out the bedazzled name tag".

sadder puppy face

With this new really authentic proof in hand, me and my team of imaginary flunkys set off unto to world of fast and cheap lunch to reveal to everyday consumers what the cute secret ingredient was. Many reacted by saying phrases such as "piss off" and "ive got better things to eat". We then decided to get the reaction of Alex Furbank, a vegan and active member of PETA. To not much surpise he broke down and started crying, which is something most grown adult male pussys would do.

Saddest puppy face
Saddest puppy face

We sent a message to the K.F.C corporation but are yet to get a response. But theirs nothing to worry about, our nameless insider Told us "if puppy tears are an actual secret ingredient then the little creatures aren't being treated inhumanely. Their's also alot of sad korean soap operas played in the office here so that's probrobly how they get them to cry . . . Ling Wang is a very powerful actor".

Sad puppy fa-  . . . wait wha?

All I can say is that everyones a little happier to know that were one step closer to finding out the true K.F.C secret ingredient. im sure most are excited to see what the next secret ingredient is, hopefully it wont be as bizzare as cajun spices or unicorn horns, and who can be sad about that?

@DavidAyalasOk  follow me. . . I love you (Blush)