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Published June 13, 2008

Recently while standing in line at Walmart (In case you wondered, I spend approximately 40% of my life there) I began looking for something to amuse me so I didn't get annoyed at the lady in front of me getting confused by the self-checkout that tells you every little move to make. I peer off in the distance to where my eyes were met with a friendly greeting by a bank that had set up shop in a little hole in the wall, a bank who had a quite large flat screen tv, one which, of course, it's employees where vigilantly staring at. They were watching golf. It was then that I narrowed down the course of my life to exclude one profession: a camera operator at a golf tournament. Not only does it have to be one of the world's most boring gigs, but then part of there job requirement is to follow a tiny, speeding white ball, keeping it in frame as it blends perfectly with it's beautiful sky background. The monotony paired with the impossible task of keeping the ball in frame at all times, would be maddening enough to snap the strongest of minds.

I also concluded that one of the funniest jobs would have to be a camera operator on one of those " Man v. Wild" or "Survivor"-ish type shows.  To sit back, just have that regular "day at the office" type of day, while filming people who are probably having one of the most despairing, life-threatening days of their lives (this speaking more of the first show example more than the latter). You watch them eat things that probably aren't/shouldn't be edible, while you sit back and snack on cheetos, warning them that if they're going to vomit, they need to either warn you, or stay in frame. As they huddle for warmth in the carcass of a rotted out beast, you stick your head out of your nice heated little hut, and tell them to quit convulsing like that, it'll freak the viewers out. When they complain you just tell them "Hey, I'm just doin my job!"

As I travel along this dusty trail called life, I'm proud to say I've wittled my job field down just enough that when people say, "Why do you have these crazy thoughts?" my reply is "Hey, I'm just doin my job!"

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