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December 04, 2008


Some people collect stamps. Some people collect baseball cards. Other people collect coins. I tend to collect men. I've noticed that even though I am eight years into an absurd relationship with a man I despise, I do have a vast array of both admirers and those I admire lying in wait for the day. I don't mean to collect them since I can parallel park, kill spiders and take out the trash all by myself, but I tend to form these alliances with people where the anticipation sort of hangs in the air and I know that I could probably call them at 4 in the morning demanding a bowl of green M&Ms, and they would happily deliver them to me. I think it's because I'm in a relationship that I can be very honest and complimentary of people whereas suckers looking for love have to hold back or be "mysterious" and guys tend to like me because I'm a chick who can roll with it and I will "go there" and am open to them expressing themselves without any fear of reproach or disgust. I make people comfortable and who doesn't like to be comfortable? Now, the funny thing is that there is a guy that I like (dirty old lady alert), and he's from out of town and whenever he lets me know he's coming, for some reason I make a party for him. I just did it AGAIN this week and even though I would like to have a little face time with him because I never get to see him and really enjoy being around him...I think I might be compensating somehow because I immediately go into hostess mode and plan a gathering of our 20 nearest and dearest (which DOES NOT include my boyfriend). What is that? I was all frazzled trying to get commitments from people yesterday so I can make reservations and I sort of saw myself doing it and thought...is there some kind of denial going on here? Am I love's bitch even though I don't go there? Thoughts?