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October 20, 2017
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A number of local businesses in a small New Hampshire town are suing the company responsible for destroying their collective properties.

A number of local businesses in a small New Hampshire town are suing the company responsible for destroying their collective properties. It is believed that the destruction was caused by a board game somehow teleporting herds of exotic animals into the heart of the town.

Details are still scarce, but the animals that wreaked havoc in the sleepy town were said to include Monkeys, Elephants, Rhinos, Zebras, Pelicans and even giant Mosquitos. This then prompted terrified locals to begin looting and rioting. The damage done to vehicles, streets, buildings and monuments is expected to total tens of millions of dollars. In addition, dozens of people were said to injured or killed by the stampede. It is expected that a criminal trial will soon follow.

In a remarkable twist, it was the monkeys that caused the most mayhem by displaying what has been described as ‘human like intelligence’. Onlookers reported various simians riding motorcycles and even managing to drive (and crash) a police car.

Experts have been speculating as to how any of this was achieved. Some believe that the game made use of an Einstein-Rosen Bridge (also known as a wormhole), while others are putting it down to good old fashioned wizardry. Meanwhile, the board game manufacturer in question has released the following statement:

We were certain we had recalled every unit of this out-dated board game. This particular game was developed at a time when our company was looking to push the boundaries of the overall player experience, but we had no idea that the beasts summoned would display such a lack of respect for their surroundings.

Witnesses have claimed that a crazed hunter emerged from the game wielding a rifle, and worryingly, he was spotted on several occasions attempting to murder one of the participants. The statement continued:

The Hunter was a mistake. Those responsible for conceiving the idea and inserting him into the game were laid off. They overstepped the mark.

The whereabouts of the board game is currently unknown, but anyone who encounters it is being warned only to play in a wide open space, ideally a desert or a Safari Park. In the meantime, a safer ‘sequel’ to the game is currently in development but is not expected to live up to its predecessor.

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