Somebody finally gets wheeled out of the office on a stretcher! This has got to be the last season of Mad Men, because they're just giving us the goodies. Speaking of goodies, hello MegAmy, good to see that you operate as one 120 lb. unit of 70s freakishness. Also, Harry Crane goes to parties. Megan's apartment is regarded as "outta sight" twice in this episode so we may as well cut to the chase.
This is Scout, he can take anything but an order! Stan finds Lou's drawrings in the copier and I actually missed the first few minutes of this episode. When I picked it up, the dudes were making a big deal of some images or documents they had found, and Shirley was getting uncomfortable, and I was like, oh shit did Shirley take some bare-butt-on-the-copier photos? When I found out what it was I was disappointed. Scout is cute, and Lou can draw, and I guess it's silly that he is old and creative? 'Boys are mean' is what I got from this.
Don gets in the elevator and Peggy joins him. She says she hasn't forgotten about Handi-Wrap and Don looks surprised and excited because he only heard the first part. He goes for his belt as the bell chimes for their floor and Peggy leaves, as if she didn't just offer him a hand job. Don tucks his junk away and receives a call from Anna Draper's daughter which somehow translates to her being Don's niece. Okay, sure. She's big pregnant and says that she "ran out of bread", which makes Don hang up on her. Just kidding, but he does invite her over to Megan's house, you know, the woman who disowned him two episodes ago? This won't go over well! I cackle excitedly. It goes over super fine and I guess I just don't understand anything anymore.
When Stephanie finds Megan it's just a whole buncha nice, but weird. She comes in and they both call each other beautiful in ways that sound sad. Stephanie asks for Megan to make her a steak to keep Megan busy while Steph showers. She comes out in a very beautiful bathrobe and is just, like, stunning. The ladies talk and pass a volleyball with Don's face on it back and forth. Finally Megan pops it with her teeth and gives Stephanie a ten dollar bill and tells her to keep the change and run away and never return. Steph's like, "yikes, yeah okay." and she smartly scrams. Outside, Stephanie meets Sally Draper and the two fight with golf clubs, and Stephanie breaks Sally's nose and this definitely is what happens.
Henry Francis strings garlic into a strand of thread and buttons a shirt up over it. This will keep his wife at bay. The Francises prep for a block-hop, and everyone is nervous because Betty is trusted to feed other humans. Neighbors arrive and Betty says she wishes everyone was at war all the time, that everyone should be dead, and that the unpatriotic should be hanged for all to see from a centralized location in town, like someone's front porch or something. "Uh, no no," says Henry, the elected official of their county. "FINE," Betty somehow says without moving a single muscle in her face. She walks past a woman who literally drops dead for no reason at all.
Don tries to sneak out of the office by walking around in his coat and hat and screaming for someone to book him a red eye for 3pm but to be quiet about it! Lou says not so fast and Don says something about how Lou should never have dreams because that's what makes him an easy target. Lou says Don ain't going no where, that Lou'll "tuck Don in" tonight, which is exactly what red-head Amy says before she and Meg ménage their trois', so does this mean... Ginsberg was right? I could have sworn Lou mouthed "Don Draper" when Gins spotted the Lou and Cutler talking an inch away from one another. Uh oh, you guys. I definitely cracked another mystery, and just like the other one I am super right about it and will disable the comment section as an act of surety.
Henry picks up Sally and she's wearing a woven poncho, so things aren't great. Betty sees her daughter's face in a bandage and wedges her claw in so she can feel the blood beneath. Dude, this Draper vs. Draper argument is the greatest. Betty says that she gave Sally a perfect nose, probably by drinking and smoking liberally while Sally was in the womb. Sally says she'd rather have an ass for a face than further let on that Betty and she may share genetics. This could have been the rest of the season and I'd be like "Mad Men was better than Breaking Bad," for the rest of my days. Henry tries to interrupt the tiff by saying "girls" twice in a row and I laughed out loud when this happened. Betty tells Sally to go to her room and live there and Sal is so grateful that she cries. Later Bobby #3 will sneak into Sally's room and the two will lay and look at the ceiling like Lucy and Linus after a night waiting up for the Great Pumpkin.
Ginsberg shows up at Peggy's and says that the computer is making everyone gay. He pleads with her to let him work at her place, which is crazy because it's Saturday! Peggy's new boyfriend Julio comes in, and Gins gets jealous right away. He asks if he can use Peggy's typewriter, and Julio says he thinks it's too loud. Julio cracks open a beer and sits in his recliner at Peggy's place, like a young, Hispanic Peter Boyle in Everybody Loves Raymond. They are a sweet couple but probably not going to last. Ginsberg watches Peggy nap and tells her she was dead for a bit before she came back to life eyes first. He says that they must reproduce, which is a line I am sure has worked for Don before. On Monday, Gins tries to apologize and explain himself and he gives her his nipple. His nipple. His nipple. This is a thing that I saw in TV. I saw a man's nipple in a box. This part should be on the news tomorrow.
Don hits up Megan's party in a plaid blazer jacket like a dude who loves improv shows and owns his own business. An African-American fellow plays the clarinet because it's a party in LA, baby! Megan looks all kinds of glamorous and dances with a groovy ass cat who probably is the weed runner on the set of her soap opera. She spies Don (her husband) during the party and makes her way over only to bump into Harry Crane, who is there with "Miranda". Don leaves with HC and they hit up a lounge where HC tells Don that Lou and Cutler are wooing Commander (aka Phillip Morris), that Ted Chaough is use-less and that Harry will strive to keep Don important. Aw. The next day, Don will abuse this information and wipe Jim Cutler's glasses clean with his peenus.
Before this, however, comes a threesome, maybe the first in Mad Men history (other than Roger's... whatever they are)? I feel like in the pilot episode and every day since, the writers have been like "...and then he has a threesome, right?" and "The Runaways" is the episode that finally won. In the morning, Megan comes in to the kitchen in the robe that pregnant Stephanie wore and as Don hollers at her for coffee (LOL), Stephanie calls. What does this shit mean!? Is the robe draped over both a giant belly and a no-belly supposed to remind us of Megan's miscarriage? Are we supposed to note the lack of responsibility from this married woman who lights a post-threesome cigarette off a gas burner as compared to a migrating hippie avoiding her jailed-up baby-daddy? My Sherlockian streak is over, this one is not as easy to crack. Amy eventually exits the apartment feeling embarrassed and it's Mad Men's attempt at portraying a character realistically for once.
Sally's nose is fine and Betty is standing her ground as a smart lady who "can speak Italian." Sweetie, the Jersey Shore group can speak a little Italian, that don't mean nothin'. Bobby #3 might be on to something when he mentions divorce, plus there's always been a part of me that saw Don and Betty finishing off Mad Men together with a pile of sleepy/dead bodies piled up in their handsome wake. If this scene is either the start of a separation or the intro to Betty growing her underarm hair out for the rights of women everywhere, I'm in.
At the very end, Cutler acknowledges Don's balls and Ginsberg gets escorted away with a harrowing warning to "get out while you can." Is this a message about Mad Men? Should we stop watching now? It's not even an option for me, especially now that threesomes are in the mix! Or maybe it's just my computer making me gay.
Misc.: Tons of Mommy/Baby stuff in this Mother's Day episode! The (unwashed!?) robe was maybe the biggest one, next to the image in profile of pregnant Stephanie and skinny Megan talking about babies. There was talk of Anna's ring's inheritance and Megan's future with children. This scene vaguely resembles the one last season where Megan secretly informed Sylvia of her miscarriage; a talk that ended judgmentally. Tie in Sally's "it's a nose job, not an abortion" comment and it seems that we've arrived at a motif for "The Runaways."
Krista writes weekly recaps. Follow her at @potatoemporium.