University to Start Offering Alternative Medicine Track for Premeds
Saying that they were very excited to begin this new venture, the NYU School of medicine unveiled Thursday they were set to include a specialized “Alternative Medicine” track for premeds and medical students that so desire to learn about the newest wonders of unverified, pseudoscientific home remedies of medicine.
“We’re hoping this will attract more students to the profession,” said department Dean Lucas Marquez when clearly referring to a niche demographic of Brooklyn hipsters who think they can cure Lupus with Kale leaves. “It’s time higher education institutions come to terms with the fact that the scientific method, with all of its glossy peer reviews and ostentatious empirical analysis, is not the only method available to save people’s lives, an organic mixture of Quinoa with Panda poop will work just as well as long as its locally grown.”
The track will include courses such as: “CHAKRA-UA 100: An Intro to Shamanic Studies” where students will be expected to learn the ancient healing practices required to rid the body of all evil spirits that cause ailments, and “YOGI-UA 720: Organic Living II” that gives a modern twist to the traditional Organic Chemistry courses by taking all the hard parts and substituting them for fun field trips to ethnic spice markets.
The medicine faculty proudly claimed this exciting new field in medicine will considerably reduce the burden healthcare costs pose to the economy, given that it will reduce lifespans and weave out the heard of people that are no longer needed.