This is a recap of the Game Of Thrones episode “The Door” (season 6, episode 5).

Non-spoiler summary: “Tyrion seeks a strange ally. Bran learns a great deal. Brienne goes on a mission. Arya is given a chance to prove herself.”

See below for full SPOILER-ific recap!

Holy shit. I’m saving the Hodor tearjerker for the end of the recap. Let’s start with Sansa:

1) Sansa stands up to Littlefinger…

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“Half-brother.” OH SNAP!

I’ve loved seeing Sansa get stronger and stronger as a character. Previously this season we saw her inspiring Jon when he was feeling dejected, and now we see her, at long last, standing up to her former manipulator, Petyr Baelish.

Sansa confronts Littlefinger for delivering her from one set of monsters who killed her family members to another monster who killed her family members. And as Sansa puts it:

“Did you know about Ramsay? If you didn’t know, you’re an idiot. If you did know, you’re my enemy.”

— Sansa Stark, Season 6 Episode 5

It’s fun to watch Baelish squirm for a bit, although he deserves far worse for what he knowingly subjected Sansa to.

But as the episode ends, we see Littlefinger’s manipulation skills once again at work. Rather than trusting entirely in Jon’s army, Littlefinger encourages her to seek out her uncle Brynden “The Blackfish” Tully at Riverrun to get the help of his newly reformed army.

As he exits, he whispers a reminder that Jon isn’t her brother, but her “half-brother.” Will Sansa fall for it?

2) … but Sansa isn’t fully free from Littlefinger’s manipulative control.

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That game they’re playing looks fun!

Later in the episode when we return to Castle Black, we see that Davos has sat everybody down to talk strategy over a game of RISK: Game Of Thrones Edition (only $74.99 at the HBO online shop!).

Sansa volunteers the information that Littlefinger gave her, and tells the group that her uncle The Blackfish could join the frey. Davos is impressed (“The Blackfish is a legend”) and the group seems convinced this is a good idea. But when Jon asks how she knows this, Sansa lies and says that Ramsay got a raven about it before she escaped.

Looks like it’s time to study up on the Minor Houses.

Once they’re alone, Brienne asks Sansa why she would lie to Jon if she trusts him.

Although I cheekily pointed out that the map they’re talking over looks like a boardgame, I think it is meant to intentionally evoke the game/strategy aspects of the GOT powerstruggle. As we saw in this episode, Sansa is getting better at playing the game.

But will she play it like a Stark, noble and true? Or will she incorporate the lying, manipulative tricks of Littlefinger? Is she lying in order to protect him? Is Littlefinger lying to Sansa about the Blackfish’s new army as yet another trap for Sansa to fall into?

It’s easy to see Baelish as nothing but a liar looking out for his own self-promotion, but there was a time when he had genuine feelings for Sansa’s mother Catelyn. Perhaps some of those old feelings exist and might compel him to do something Sansa at his own expense?

Important sidenote: Tormund “Red Beard Wildling” has a crush on Brienne and it is beautiful

I’m shipping Tormund and Brienne, whose couple name is #Briemund. Can’t wait to see these lovebirds make it work!

3) Arya goes to a play and there’s a fart joke, a boob flashing, and a full frontal penis with warts

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I like the story this play told, although it got a little complicated with all of those characters and at times the nudity and violence was a bit much.

Arya is given another chance to prove to Jaqen that she is a deserving member of the Faceless Men. Jaqen warns that she will not get another chance, and one way or another there will be another face on the wall, which I guess means either her face is getting skinned off or the face of the person she is supposed to kill?

Speaking of which, Arya is told she is supposed to poison and kill an actress who calls herself Lady Crane. After watching a play in which her father Ned is made to look like a bumbling fool and his execution made into a punchline, Arya does some backstage spying and figures out a plan to murder Lady Crane (she’s the only one who drinks the rum! Nothing could go wrong with that plan!).

Fart joke:

After the show, Arya returns to the Hall of Faces and tells Jaqen that Lady Crane seems like a decent person. She is told that she is a servant of the Many-Faced God and servants do not ask questions.

Also, I don’t want to tell the Faceless Men how to do their job, but I think that Arya has completed the Stick Fight portion of her training. Maybe time to move on to something else?

4) Euron wins the kingsmoot, and Yara and Theon flee with the ships

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With Euron doing hand gestures like this, Yara did not stand a chance.

Yara makes an okay speech about why she should be queen of the Iron Islands (she is going to build a BIG fleet of ships!) and then Theon supports her with an okay speech (she has sailed on ships before!) but then Euron swoops in, admits that he killed his brother and former king Balon, and is immediately elected new king.

Euron also announces his plan to build a bunch of ships and then sail to Meereen to join forces with Dany. And I gotta admit, his plan makes sense. I mean, she does have those 100,000 Dothraki soldiers on her side now, but she needs a way to get them to Westeros, and her dragons can only fly so many across at once. Ooh, maybe this is going to be like that fun brain teaser with the farmer trying to get a fox, a goose and a bag of beans across the river!

Yara and Theon should not have been surprised that the tough ol’ bastards of the Iron Islands were impressed, not deterred, by someone who was willing to throw their brother off of a bridge.

Euron is given the ol’ Drowning Baptism treatment and made king:

Meanwhile, Yara and Theon abscond with the fleet:

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They’re galavanting away with our ships!

5) Jorah still hasn’t turned into a stone zombie

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I’m starting to get some Jorah-turn-into-a-stone-zombie-already epididymal hypertension.

I think every single “Previously on” this season has shown the stone-zombies attacking Jorah and someone being like, “Uh oh, Jorah you know what’s going to happen to you?” and him saying, “Ay, I know.” But every episode all that happens is he pulls up his sleeve and has a bad case of ezcema. Put some lotion on and stop moping about, Jorah!

Also, Dany commanding that Jorah find the cure to his incurable rock rash and then return to her is played off as if it was a sweet moment of her forgiving him, but really this is a pretty messed up thing to tell someone with a terminal disease.

6) And the award for Biggest Twist So Far goes to Tyrion’s quote “Who said anything about ‘him’?” not referring to Daenerys but actually to a whole new character

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Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

In the Season 6 previews, this quote from Tyrion was all over the place, and it seemed pretty clear that he was talking about Dany because they would play this audio bit over the visual of Khaleesi’s face.

But lo! We now see that Tyrion is scheming to keep the fragile peace he has negotiated between Meereen and the other cities of Slaver’s Bay by bringing in a younger version of Melisandre to use the fanatacism of the followers of the Lord Of Light to spin a story about Khaleesi that gets everybody to worship her. Enter Kinvara.

Varys is immediately skeptical of Kinvara, but then she knows some stuff about his childhood trauma that freaks him out so he shuts up about his doubts. Even Tyrion has a look on his face like he might have just tried to put out one fire by starting another fire.

Kinvara: You want your queen to be worshipped and obeyed. And while she’s gone, you want her advisors to be worshipped and obeyed.
Tyrion: We’d settle for obeyed.

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Cool choker gem necklace! So are you like 900 years old or…?

Kinvara gives them the same line about Dany being the one prophesied to come and save them all, just like Melisandre used to say about Stannis and has lately been saying about Jon Snow.

But what’s even more interesting is that she adds the tidbit that Dany will not only save them from the darkness of this war (the struggle for the throne) but also for the “great war to come” which is the war between the White Walkers and the survival of Humanity.

7) Bran becomes the Three Eyed Raven…

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If you thought greyscale was bad, wait until you see icescale.

In a classic tale of flying too close to the White Walkers, Bran disregards the Three Eyed Raven’s constant warnings about the flashbacks and does a solo flashback in which the Night King grabs Bran’s arm, thus giving away their position.

Okay, the Three Eyed Raven never warned him about that specifically, but still, he shouldn’t have been Flashbacking Solo.

The Children Of The Forest assemble, and they make use of their Earth Magic Grenades:

But what is done is done, and what’s done is that Bran is now the Three Eyed Raven, even though he isn’t yet ready and his training was not yet complete.

Meera “Frog Child” Reed is able to escape with Bran on a stretcher as the Wights close in around them, thanks to the sacrifice of Hodor holding the door…

8) …and Hodor becomes Hodor.

And thus we learn the origin of Hodor’s name and condition.

Caused by some sort of Time Loop wherein the future trauma of Bran warging into Hodor’s body and the effort of keeping the door closed caused so much damage as to go back in time and fry his brain in the past, a psychological scar that crossed time and space.

Like Kumail Nanjiani, I was still crying as the episode of his show Silicon Valley started playing after the show ended:

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That being said, I also get why some folks were skeptical, such as comedian/writer Anthony King:

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During “Inside The Episode” after the credits, show creators D&D confirm that this is straight from the Georgie Martin’s mouth, so this is canon Hodor origin story. Damn.

Direwolf Watch: Summer sacrifices himself to save Bran

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Summer stands and fights.

Hodor wasn’t the only one to sacrifice his life to save Bran. Once again, Summer helps to save Bran’s life, this time giving his own life as the Wights swarm.

Now only two of the six Stark direwolf pups remain: Jon’s Ghost and presumambly Arya’s Nymeria is still running around the countryside, waiting to make a glorious return.

9) Oh yeah, we also learned that the White Walkers were created by the Children Of The Forest from the bodies of men in order to fight against the threat of men

So yes, we learned this, but also like, no duh?

Okay, that is all for now! Thanks for reading. See you next week!