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July 12, 2009



Its really a pleaseure to come along your profile on
Iam Doris Simpsom by name and 24years old good looking young girl in search of a Man for a long term relationship.
This is why i have decided to contact you on this site so that we can establish a good relationship and also get to know each other.
Your age,race and religion is never a problem to me,all that matters is true love.
Kindly contact me on my e mail doris1_simpsom@yahoo.com
so that i can tell you more about my self.

Hope to hear from you soonest


I got this message via FOD.

I was intrigued.

Let's face it- a 24 year old 'good looking' girl who doesn't care that I worship dirt and dig up bodies for Santeria rituals has a certain appeal. Especially when she's bright enough to realize that, yes, true love is all that matters.

I  mean, hey, how many chances am I going to get at this human prize? Visions of 'Publishers Clearing House' wins flood my soul.

Then, like everything in most in my life, reality hit.

I go to Butch Jackson's page- he got the same message.
I'm like, OK, I didn't know Butch practced the same chicken throat cutting rituals I do- but he's a smart guy and that's something we have in common. Good for Doris to have done her research!

Then I bounce to Clay's site. Between the 14.154 'I Love You's' MPG had sent him in the last 14 seconds-- there's the same message.

Doris-- WTF? How far are you spreading yourself?

OK- BOTH Mike and Steve may bite out live bull tongues for favors from the gods like myself, but jeeze- can't we keep our little love thing a tad more discrete?

It wasn't until I went to Mark Shaughnessy's page that the inkling that Doris may not be the future accpeting-for-all-my-eating-fetuses-habits that it begins to dawn on me this perfect invitation may not be the love salvation I'd yearned for.

Doris had sent Mark the same thing. And if she's sending it to HIM-- who's next? Noelle because Doris is opening the door to women? Space Hospital because Doris digs machines, too? Where does Doris profession of unreenting love end?


When I repsponded to Doris that she must have made a mistake by sending similar messages to people that, although nice, she could not love given what I know about them, I was contacted in no time by Phoenix University on-line to enroll in a course that 'Professor' Simpson would be teaching. They wouldn't quite guarentee love, would, in fact, be the result, but assured me that the degree I recieived would make me more attractive than Butch to other potential 24 year olds.

I get the link to my diploma this week.

Sorry Butch!