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November 04, 2015

Our vulnerable feelings are in danger if we spot those eyes on the street.

Adele’s new album, 25, is coming out on November 20th but to tide us over until then, Rolling Stone released their new issue interviewing her and with her on the cover. So along with getting to read about her artistic process and just how much she’s going to tear our hearts into a million pieces, we get her face reminding us of all the hearty shower sobs to come, that we’ll no doubt describe as “healthy.”

But looking at this photo, it feels almost too emotionally baring, which is why it honestly needs a plastic sleeve covering it up and censoring the rawness she is serving in those eyes. You know, like the sleeves that spare children from seeing what’s on the cover of Titties R’ Us or Puss Quarterly. This Rolling Stone issue needs that for emotionally vulnerable 20-somethings walking down the street on our way to work, on edge from the big bad world around us.

The way Adele is staring straight into our souls, taunting us like, “You think this week has been bad, wait till you’re PMSing on November 22nd, on round 18 of listening the album and without knowing it you’ve decided to get coffee with an ex. Ha.” We are impressionable at this age and having that photo of her is not good for us to see without warning. It has to be covered up.

As long as it’s covered, it’ll just give us more agency as to when and in what situations we see it. We want this album, Adele, we just can’t be caught off guard and start crying on the street just yet. We’ll be doing that in two weeks so let us have our sanity right now. Thank you.