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September 01, 2011

Words from the mouth (or typing fingers) of one of pop culture's greatest.

The Brilliance that is Ke$ha

    Pop culture icon, Ke$ha, is a lot of things to a lot of people. Activist for Humane Society International. A songstress who pulls at the depth of our emotions. A fashion icon who turns glitter into an evening gown. But for many she is a deep and cultured philosopher.

    A trip to Ke$ha’s Facebook page reveals her as a poetic wordsmith. I say wordsmith because of the artful use of things that aren’t letters in place of letters and her often complete disregard for the space bar. A true avant garde word stylist. 

    Let’s explore together.

    Ke$ha: Spraypaint doesn't come off skin. Btw.

Our favourite pop diva won’t let you make the same mistakes she did. At the risk of sounding like they type of person who would spray paint themselves, then expecting it to wash off, she lets people know the hazards of aerosol art supplies and its effects on the human body. Health conscious? Probably not. Artist? Most assuredly.

    Ke$ha: Wearing someone elses shirt. Can’t find my bra.

The Animal separates herself from the other princesses of pop by showing young women that the most expensive trendy clothes aren’t the only option. Sometimes you can just wear garbage, or some crack addicts tank top. Save money by not bothering to replace your bras too. That way you can afford to buy proper health care down the road. Her fans inhale a lot of glitter.

    Ke$ha: bout to get my $LEAZE on.

Now, this little gem takes some dissemination to understand. You may ask yourself; when did Ke$ha take her “$LEAZE” off? Well, dear reader, everyone has downtime. Sometimes you gotta tone down the $LEAZE when you use the bathroom or have to convince officers of the law that you haven’t been drinking. You’ll have to turn it right off when you’re doing things like taxes or raising three illegitimate children. Many of Ke$ha’s fans have lives that don’t revolve around “taking it off.” Most do, though. This status also shows us that Ke$ha has not only taken women’s rights and the Sexual Revolution to heart, but she’s also willing to give it her own spin by being a tough, sexual, sleazy woman by adding dollar signs.

    Ke$ha: Can people grow clear hairs? Not talking white. CLEAR. ? Anyone?

The sultry siren often asks he fans questions on Facebook. Not just about stuff we hear everyday in the news but the things we’re all afraid to ask. Now, one can only hope that Ke$ha knows the answer to this. She probably just wanted to start a heated debate among the brain trust that is her fans. So I’ll let her fans speak for her:

The answers range from the purely scientific; “unless u take a bath 247 and ur hairy” to the amazingly speculative “on mars i think.” But none had captured the essence of a 

Ke$ha debate like Emily (location unknown) who threw this bomb down to shatter our world; “hahaha! i hav to poop.” Indeed, Emily. Indeed.

But let’s get back to why we’re all here. Our life mentor, Ke$ha. She truly imparts some brilliant words of wisdom. I know when I feel like life is off track, and I need to find some inner peace, the first person I choose to turn to is Kesha Rose Sebert. Life lessons about like; 

    Ke$ha: Cotton candy has the same texture as placenta

And unwilling to forego existentialism;

    Ke$ha: I'm like a unicorn. Or a panda on a jetski

So before the, as Ke$ha would say, “Hatas” get all up in the grill that is Ke$ha fandom, let me leave you with this parting comment, sure to twist your brain in knots for years to come.

    Ke$ha: Um having a low hanging fanny pack is like having a dick

Truer words...

Thank you all,

Ethan Belanger

Ke$ha’s number one fan.