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September 26, 2017
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Just another reason us to be upset with the government...

The future is about to get a lot scarier.

While most of America expects the government to prepare for the day that former wrestler and current box office sensation Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson becomes overwhelmingly powerful, NASA admitted that they have no set agenda if they need to hurl him into the sun. Unbelievable, as we all know this is the only way he could possibly be destroyed.

Come. On. NASA.

Strong Dwayne Johnson.jpg

Son of a bitch, look at those rippling muscles. If he lifts any more weights, surely he will see the futility in walking generously amongst us mortal men.

As well know, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has grown more physically powerful with every successful movie and television show he stars in. With every “Fast and the Furious” movie that hits the silver screen, the actor grows closer to becoming too powerful to safely walk among us. Can you imagine how brawny and enormous he will be in five years? Ten years? Fifteen years?!

“In our professional opinion, we don’t really see a need for such a plan,” explained NASA acting administrator Robert Lightfoot Jr. “It’s doubtful his career trajectory will lead to an emergency situation. We studied the first couple of episodes of ‘Ballers’ and, frankly, we don’t think it’s anything to write home about. Our experts project his career path will become parabolic, eventually beginning to descend on an acute negative slope. At that juncture the American people won’t have to worry about him anymore.”

Space.jpg

This is where we must send Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, into the never ending darkness of space. This is the only place where he won’t be able to hurt the ones we love.

So NASA is CHOOSING to ignore the problem?!

Ridiculous! If they don’t want to live in a future with a man as tall as a skyscraper and strong as five thousand horses, NASA should figure out SOMETHING soon.

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