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FROM: Joseph Kony <kony_soprano@uganda.net> 

TO: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com>

SENT: July 1, 2007

SUBJECT: HI!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

Hey Jason,

Hope you enjoyed your brief trip to Uganda. Always glad to meet a backpacker. Thanks for taking me to the movies too, hadn’t been in ages as I don’t get much time off work. Which movie did you like more, “Shrek 3” or “The Bourne Ultimatum”? I would probably say Shrek. I wonder if they will make a fourth one. Good luck with your movie, too. Thanks for letting me star in it, LOL. Can’t wait to see it. At first I thought it was a bit weird you were taking all those photos of me but it kinda grew on me. The camera loves me! Hope to see “U” a-“gan”, dawg! Haha, smooth sailing brother.

Konz

 

 

FROM: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net> 

TO: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com>

SENT: August 31, 2008

SUBJECT: J-J-J-Jason!          

Jason!

Been a long time, man. Just emailing you to let you know that I changed my email. My other one was kind dated. I was a big fan of “The Sopranos” back in the day but I guess it’s time to move on and find a new show. That finale was such a disappointment too! Don’t you agree? It just cut to black, what the hell was that? Not the payoff I wanted at all. So, is your email still the same? Just asking because I didn’t get a reply last time I emailed you. This is my new address. Hit me here because my cell’s disconnected on account of being in hiding. Plus, can you imagine the long distance charges that would rack up? Yeesh.

J-Konz out!

P.S. Have you seen “The Dark Knight” yet? Heard it’s amazing.

 

 

FROM: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com> 

TO: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net>

SENT: September 1, 2009

SUBJECT: Re: J-J-J-Jason!          

Joseph,

Sorry I didn’t respond to your emails before. Been super busy.

JR

 

 

FROM: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net> 

TO: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com>

SENT: September 2, 2009

SUBJECT: Gettin' bizzy  

Ohhh man don’t even talk to me about busy. Hahaha. I have 88 wives, man! That I know of! LOL. Also just signed up for eHarmony, I mean, I’ve been married quite a few times but it’s been a long time since I went on a “date” date, y’know? What makes it even harder, is that I went into hiding. Hard to find a girl who’s willing to travel that far. How’s the movie going, am I ever going to see it?

Broseph Kony

 

 

FROM: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com> 

TO: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net>

SENT: December 31, 2009

SUBJECT: Re: Gettin' bizzy            

Joseph,

Yes. Hopefully in a year or two. Editing is a long process you know.

JR

 

 

FROM: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net> 

TO: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com>

SENT: January 1, 2010 

SUBJECT: Hollywoooooooood          

A year has passed! Lol, just kidding. Kinda. Happy new year. You are going to be the next Spielberg, man, I just know it. Lemme know when the movie is out for sure, I will take my kids to see it. Can’t wait! Maybe if you’re in the area, we can go together. Just sayin’. It’s been a while.

Your old friend,

King Kony

 

 

FROM: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com> 

TO: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net>

SENT: March 1, 2012 

SUBJECT: No. Just no.      

Joseph,

There is no easy way to say this, but we are NOT friends, okay? We hung out ONE weekend FIVE years ago. Truth be told, I spent that time collecting footage on you because the film I am making is going to make you – not famous, but INFAMOUS. I am going to destroy you. I am going to let the world know what a bad guy you are. You are going to be embarrassed and ashamed.

JR

P.S. They made a fourth “Shrek”. Then a spin-off that was just focussed on “Puss in Boots”. You probably heard but just in case you didn’t.

 

 

FROM: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net> 

TO: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com>

SENT: March 1, 2012 

SUBJECT: Project X?    

Uh oh. Please don’t tell me you used some of that super embarrassing party footage. Like when I botched that kegstand, remember that! Oh damn. I’ve been seeing ads for this movie “Project X”. That’s not it, is it? We threw some sick parties back in the day.  I am going to get made fun of for this movie around the jungle a lot, I can already tell. Haaaa... Such is the price of fame, I guess.

P.S. Saw them both, the “Shrek” franchise has yet to run out of steam!

 

 

FROM: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com> 

TO: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net>

SENT: March 2, 2012 

SUBJECT: Re: Project X?     

No, it is not “Project X”. Idiot. It’s going to be called “Kony 2012”. You’re not going to like it at all. I am going to make you a household name. Every man, woman, and child in America is going to hate you. The U.S. Army is going to kill you. I’m plastering photos of you all over San Diego.

Attached <douchebag.gif>

Carl_Weathers.jpg

 

 

FROM: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net> 

TO: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com>

SENT: March 3, 2012

SUBJECT: Predator     

...That is not me. That is Carl Weathers in “Predator”.

 

 

FROM: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com> 

TO: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net> 

SENT: March 3, 2012 

SUBJECT: Re: Predator     

What? Seriously? Crap. Do you have a better photo of you I could use? Send one ASAP if so. 

 

FROM: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net> 

TO: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com>

SENT: March 4, 2012 

SUBJECT: Headshot    

Yeah, here you go.

<onenightinparis.gif>

kony.jpg

 

 

FROM: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com> 

TO: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net>

SENT: March 5, 2012

SUBJECT: Re: Headshot                                                                              

That looks fake. You showed me the list of your wives once, I’m pretty sure Paris Hilton wasn’t on it. Luckily, I know how to use PhotoShop, so I am just going to crop her out of the photo. Dick.   

Here’s the movie by the way (if you right click it it will open in a new tab. In case you have something else open): 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc

 

 

FROM: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net> 

TO: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com>

SENT: March 5, 2012 

SUBJECT: Kony: The Movie!  

29 Minutes?? Weird, because that would be short for a feature film, but so long for Youtube. Already told you I was crazy busy, when am I ever gonna find the time to ... just joking man, watching now. Let you know what I think. Hoo boy don’t make me regret this.

Kon-a Kameleon

 

 

FROM: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net> 

TO: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com>

SENT: March 5, 2012 

SUBJECT: WTF

Wow. That was ice cold, man. You did not paint a pretty picture of me. My feelings are hurt...

 

 

FROM: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com> 

TO: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net> 

SENT: March 6, 2012 

SUBJECT: Re: WTF       

Yeah, well, you deserved it. We’re coming after you. Obama deployed troops into Uganda a few months ago to stop the Lord’s Resistance Army, and that guy is on a roll. Bin Laden, Gadhafi, you would round out the trio nicely.

 

 

FROM: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net> 

TO: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com>

SENT: March 8, 2012 

SUBJECT: WHO SHOT JR?!?        

I did. I SHOT JR. I am coming after you! You asshole! I can’t believe we used to be friends. Forget you! I totally regret that time we went to “Shrek 3” and I paid for the popcorn. I hope you know that I haven’t been sleeping well because of this video. Seriously ruined my life.

 

 

FROM: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com> 

TO: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net>

SENT: March 9, 2012

SUBJECT: Goodbye, Joseph!             

I’m not the bad guy here. Nobody is going to be on your side, okay, Kony? This video is racking up serious hits and awareness. We’re going to bring you to justice by the end of the year. By the way, how are YOU going to come after me? I thought you were in hiding. Pfft. You and what army? Don’t email me again d-bag JR OUT!

 

 

FROM: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net> 

TO: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com>

SENT: March 17, 2012

SUBJECT: You're a wanker. LITERALLY!            

Ohhh my god, LOL. Laughed so hard when I heard the news, Jason. THANK YOU. I needed that. Seriously dude? IN PUBLIC? You live in San Diego where over a MILLION people could have seen you. I live in a remote area in the jungle and even I look over my shoulder a few times before doing that!  

Heard you got arrested too. Well, if you go to jail, at least you know how to do that, that is a very useful skill to have in the slammer. If you do go to jail, are you going to try what that guy did in “Shawshank” and tunnel your way out?

Wiping tears of laughter from my eyes,

Kony2012

 

 

FROM: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com> 

TO: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net>

SENT: March 20, 2012 

SUBJECT: STOP, KONY!             

Shut up Joseph. Minor speed bump. We’re still going to get you. You’ll be arrested by the end of the year, too. Goodbye!

 

 

FROM: Joseph Kony <mylittlekony@uganda.net> 

TO: Jason Russell <jasonrussell79@yahoo.com>

SENT: March 21, 2012

SUBJECT: Kony2012           

Sigh... you’re probably right. If I get captured and killed, or even arrested, the jig’s up, ain’t it? At least we could make a biopic about me, though, right? See if Carl Weathers is available?

 

 

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