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Published July 20, 2011

Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi (above in wizard robes) emerges from the theater visibly confused.

    In order to appease the three most villainous Harry Potter fans, Warner Brothers screened a special alternate ending edition of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two." Muammar Gaddafi, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and Kim Jong Il flew to London over the weekend to take in a more Voldemort-friendly version of the record-setting film, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.”

     Although much of the dictator’s edition is identical to the original, the film takes an interesting turn when Voldemort releases a hastily made, low quality video of himself in a forest in Albania flaunting the nuclear warheads he claims to posses. When Harry Potter sees this video, he immediately surrenders and throws himself on Godric Gryffindor’s sword. Potter’s supporters consequently disband, and all opposition to Voldemort collapses. The film ends with an epilogue, nineteen years after Voldemort defeated Potter. In the epilogue, Voldemort is married to both Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger. The happy family includes two children, Lebron, age 7, and a girl, Sarah Michele, age 4.

     Despite Warner Brothers’ best efforts, the film received mixed reviews. The most positive came from North Korea’s androgynous dictator Kim Jong Il, who wet his pants in excitement when Potter graphically committed suicide. Later, Jong Il shrieked gleefully and clapped his when Voldemort’s children ran across the screen.

     Ahmadinejad, although happy to see Voldemort prevail, stormed out of the theater holding a charred Ron Weasley doll, earlier burned in effigy, and shouted at reporters “More Viktor Krum! I want more Viktor Krum!” Gaddafi, meanwhile, staggered from the theater three hours after the film ended wearing oversized sunglasses and a styling wizard beret. He later told reporters, “I’m not sure where I am right now.”
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