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April 25, 2012

In order to better highlight the celebratory tone just a little bit more, there will be 10% more confetti at this year's NFL draft.

“When you want 10% more excitement, 10% more fun, we recommend 10% more confetti,” Radio City Music Hall event planners said.

But some say that one-tenth more confetti will be used to emphasize the victory of maybe getting a job in professional football because, “the draft needs it.” Skeptic on the Street has said, “in order to distract fans from the fact that there are two interesting quarterbacks whose fates are pretty much already decided, and only another running-back fans maybe care about, the NFL has chosen to distract fans with more confetti… just like they are distracting fans from Bountygate by running stories on a new Spygate scandal.”

“With the NHL playoffs going on, the NBA playoffs looming, and the beginning of America’s beloved baseball season, the NFL is trying to ramp up their draft to remind folks in this country that their league is, even during an off-season time like now, supremely exciting,” Marketing Analyst Nora Duhster reports. “It is estimated that 10% more confetti could yield up to 10% more excitement.”

“I didn’t think there was confetti at the NFL draft at all,” newly suspended Meta World Peace (now available to attend the NFL draft), told us.

Wow, is there a lot that guy doesn’t know!